Re-shaping Hearts
by GemmaH
Summary: It's one thing to be infatuated with your almost brother-in-law, it's another altogether when he reaches out to you and offers to make your fantasies a reality. Hearts don't get broken in fantasies though. Warning: Contains cheating.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! Here's a new story that recently came to me. Just a warning that it contains cheating, so if that's a hard limit for you then consider yourself warned. **

**If you're sticking around, I hope you enjoy it :)  
**

**This story will take the form of short chapters like She, but it turns out that daily updates are a bit of a killer, so this time I'm aiming for every other day. I'll increase this to daily where chapters are particularly short, but on the whole, every other day it is.**

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**1**

I sit and sip my drink – the one _he_ made of course – watching. Taking it all in. And I don't like what I see.

"Edward, could you just pass me my phone? I left it on the side over there. No, not there, _there_." She's pointing and I kind of want to break her finger.

For the record, I'm not a violent person. Not usually. For Bree I think I could make an exception.

He hands it to her and she's all smiles.

"Thanks, sweetie, I don't know what I'd do without you."

He mumbles something and walks away. She does not deserve him. I resist the urge to stand up and tell her as much.

"Having a baby is so exhausting," she says to me, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. "It makes such a difference having Edward home at weekends to help out."

The baby in question is now six weeks old and sleeping through the night. From what I've seen of Lucy during the day, she sleeps every couple of hours too and is no trouble when she's awake. The bitch has been gifted the perfect baby and still behaves like a spoiled child herself.

Bree is bright-eyed and fresh-faced.

Edward has dark-circles beneath his eyes and looks like he needs to sleep for a week.

"I'll just take my glass out," I say, moving to get up from the couch. She looks up from whatever she's doing on her phone that meant she's ignored me, a visitor in her home, for the past five minutes.

"Oh! No, don't get up, you might disturb Lucy. I'll call Edward to get it." She opens her mouth but I'm on my feet, baby cradled in the nook of one arm and still sleeping soundly before she can make a sound.

"I've got it, Bree, It's fine. I'm capable of holding a baby _and_ taking a glass to the kitchen." There's a message in there for her. She doesn't get it of course, instead she sighs.

"I've forgotten how it is to feel normal," she begins. "Childbirth does such terrible things to your body."

While I agree some women have their bodies ravaged giving birth, I happen to know she wasn't one of them. I want to tell her to get a grip, but I manage to refrain. She's been known to ban people from the house and I can't let that happen.

I need my Edward fix on a regular basis.

~RH~


	2. Chapter 2

**This is an extra update just to get us going with the story, and also because it's a little shorter than usual :). See you tomorrow!**

**2**

Edward Cullen is kind of my dream guy. He's tall, but perfectly proportioned with it, muscled without being bulky. He has this crazy red-brown hair that sticks up any which way, but always looks great. And his face? Well his face is beautiful, he has these full – but not too full – dark pink lips. The kind that look like they'd deliver the perfect kiss, whether it's small and aimed at the cheek (actually, I can attest to the quality of these, having been on the receiving end), or framing a deep, French kiss (only in my dreams).

His eyes are a striking green and when he looks at me I can read him perfectly. Whatever his mood, however he's feeling, it's all there in his eyes. Not only that, but I get the feeling he uses them to read me too. We've never discussed it of course, because that would be weird.

After all, the guy is my almost brother-in-law.

There, I said it. Not only is Edward co-habiting with Bree, the demon baby-momma, but I'm his brother, Em's, girlfriend.

Em is tall and muscular. I mean, like, he's huge. Built like a bear, my dad says. Which is cool, I mean, he makes me feel safe. Protected. The way his dark hair has a tendency to curl when it starts to grow, is sweet and I could literally spend hours playing with it. Sometimes I do. His face isn't perfection like his brother's, but he's definitely cute. Okay, so his nose is a little crooked from too many sports-related injuries and whatever Cullen genes delivered Edward the jaw, sadly passed Em by. The lips though? There's definitely nothing wrong with the lips and he knows how to use them. He's a great kisser.

Em's eyes are baby blue and they twinkle. I'm not even kidding, I mean, I always thought it was a huge cliché, but turns out there are eyes out there that actually do that – and he has a set. They smile before his lips move – oh, and when his lips do pull up into his infectious smile, and he does have a great smile, he has dimples! Man, I love those dimples.

I love Em, I really do.

I just wish I understood this terrifying infatuation I have with his brother.

~RH~


	3. Chapter 3

**3**

"Wow, you managed to move with a baby in your arms, that's impressive."

"I know, right?"

Edward's sitting on a stool at the kitchen island unit, his jeans pulled tight around his perfect thighs and a newspaper open in front of him. But it's me that holds his attention for now.

"Hidden talents, huh?"

"You have no idea," I tell him with a wink.

Yep, this is how things have been lately. The flirting, I mean. I think he's trying to kill me, although whether it will be from desire or guilt, I have no idea.

I walk to the dishwasher, pull it open and place my glass inside. Lucy sleeps on as I nudge the door closed again with my knee. I turn back to face him and he pushes a hand through his hair. I watch transfixed.

"Why didn't Em come over today?" he asks, killing my buzz. I flinch as I concentrate on the question.

"Uh… I don't know if I should say."

I'd hoped he wouldn't ask.

"Bree," he says, figuring it out for himself and cursing under his breath.

"I'm sorry," I say. And I genuinely am, because she's slowly but surely cost him most of his friends and is now working her way through his family. She's already, in the past six weeks alienated his mom, and now his brother too. "You know you're welcome to come over to our place any time," I offer.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks."

"So." I straighten up and try to inject a little cheer into my voice. "What are your plans for the rest of the day?"

He looks up at me, raises an eyebrow and pushes a sheet of notepaper across the island toward me. I lean forward to read it and find, in Bree's immaculate handwriting, a list of chores. Headlined _Edward's Weekend Tasks._

"You have to be kidding me," I say, looking between the list and his beautiful face. He shakes his head. "And Bree?"

"Oh, she's got a busy day too. She's booked in to get her nails done, then she's meeting Emily for lunch."

"I hope she chokes on a piece of lettuce," I say. Bree's calorie intake must barely skim the recommended daily amount. She's got a killer body of course, you'd never know she'd ever been pregnant just six weeks later, but as someone who enjoys dessert occasionally, I find it unnatural that anyone can live a life of permanent sugar denial.

Edward snorts and I begin to giggle, the movement disturbing Lucy who begins to squirm. Her face scrunches up and gradually begins to change color, until she's passed through most of the red spectrum and is heading for purple. I look down at her in horror, knowing the scream is building and dreading Bree's reaction.

I glance up and see Edward trying hard not to laugh at me, which sets me off again. Two lots of laughter break free at the same time Lucy's lungs power an ear-splitting cry that makes me want to clap my hands over my ears.

I shift her up onto my shoulder and jiggle her gently. She hates it.

"Do you want your mommy, huh?" I ask, as with perfect timing, Bree strides in, all rolling eyes and exaggerated sighs as usual. She takes the baby from me.

"What did I tell you, Bella?" she scolds me. "You should have just called Edward to come get your glass, but you wouldn't listen, would you? Have you never heard the saying 'Momma knows best'?"

She rocks her daughter, cooing at her, but the baby doesn't stop screaming.

I look over at Edward, mostly because it's been about thirty seconds since I last laid eyes on his glorious features, and he mouths an apology at me. It's unnecessary, it wasn't his fault and I really couldn't care less what Bree thinks of me. She glances at the clock on the wall.

"Oh, I can't stand here doing this all day, I'll be late for my appointment. Here."

She hands Lucy over to Edward, who begins to sing quietly to her, and swishes out of the room. Within moments both the baby and I are looking at him in quiet adoration.

"It seems you have hidden talents yourself," I tell him. He sets his green eyes on me and flashes his killer smile.

"You have no idea," he says.

~RH~


	4. Chapter 4

**4**

Thirty minutes later Lucy is fed, changed and lying happily on her playmat on the floor between Edward and I, watching the toys hanging from the baby gym above her as we take it in turns to make them move for her.

"Oh! Well this is cosy," Bree announces as she appears, finally ready for her nail appointment. I think she tries to smile at me, but I'd definitely class it as more of a sneer. "Bye bye, baby," she says to Bree, standing above her and waving. "Mommy loves you." She crouches down beside Edward and pulls him to her, planting her lips on his for an awkward amount of time given I was sitting right there with them. "I'll see _you_, later," she tells him in a breathy voice when she finally pulls away.

Edward looks a little surprised.

I feel nauseous.

"Bye, Bella," she says, waving over her shoulder.

"Bye, Bree."

The door closes and Edward clears his throat, looking embarrassed.

"Well, that was awkward," I comment with a smile.

"And also the first time she's touched me in around six months," he confesses.

"Really? Wow."

Imagine sleeping next to this man every night and not wanting to touch him. I try – to imagine it, I mean. Nope, can't do it, I'd be all over him like—

My phone rings.

"Hey," I greet Em, feeling my cheeks burn with the guilt. He has a question for Edward, apparently. "Why don't you come over and ask him yourself? Bree just left, she won't be back for a while."

"He's on his way," I tell Edward as I end the call.

Is it my imagination or does he look a little disappointed? Is there a chance he could maybe, perhaps…?

_Stop it, _I order myself. _Just stop._

And I try, I really do try to talk myself down, but when his fingers brush mine as I reach for one of the toys, the thrill that runs through me is like nothing I've known. It's powerful and addicting and I want more.

I move my eyes up from where we just touched, and risk a look at his face. Immediately I know it was a mistake, because there in his eyes I see something that scares me.

An intensity that makes me wonder if he wants more from me too.

~RH~


	5. Chapter 5

**5**

There's no sign of Em when I get home.

I'm in the bathroom getting ready for bed when I eventually hear the front door open and close, then his heavy footsteps on the stairs.

He's sitting on the end of the bed pulling his shoes off, and holds out his arms to me when I walk into the room.

"Hey," he says gently.

"Where've you been?" I ask, standing between his legs and kissing the lips he offers me. He tastes of beer and cigarettes.

"I went to Mom & Dad's and stopped by the bar on my way home. Did you miss me?"

"Like crazy," I say and kiss him again. It's our standard answer, and the kiss hides my guilt at the fact it's a lie. There's only been one Cullen on my mind today, and to my shame it's not the one I'm about to share a bed with.

"How was your day?" he asks. "Was the Wicked Witch there?"

"She sat on her ass barking orders for a while," I tell him. "Then she went out to get her nails done."

He shakes his head.

"I'm lucky to have you," he says, his fingers fumbling for the hem of my cami and pulling it up. I raise my arms and he slips it over my head, then he slides my sleep shorts down my legs. His own clothes follow quickly and he pulls me down onto the bed with him.

He tells me how much he loves me and wants me, the smell of beer and smoke rolling over my face with each sentiment. I close my eyes and tuck my face into his neck, whispering that I love and want him too. It's easier that way.

With my eyes closed, of course, it's not even him I'm with.

The guilt comes after, when I'm facing away from him, his huge arms holding me against his body as he begins to snore gently. He always snores when he's been drinking.

I've never done that before, never let myself imagine I'm with somebody else. I've never wanted to.

Things are changing.

I almost hate that I'm letting them.

Almost.

~RH~


	6. Chapter 6

**6**

"I've offered to take Lucy out for a while to give Bree and Edward a break," I tell Em the following week. "Do you want to come too?"

"I would, babe but I promised my mom I'd call in and fix that leaking pipe for her this morning. I mentioned it to you over dinner last night."

He did? It's not the kind of thing I'd normally forget, but then I guess I've been a little distracted this week.

"Also, I still don't think Bree will have forgiven me for telling her to get off her skinny ass and get her own glass of water. I'm keeping my distance a while longer." He leans over and kisses the top of my head.

"Don't worry about it," I tell him.

~RH~

Edward answers the door, looking even more tired than last week if that's possible.

"Oh, hi." He stands back to let me through, yawning widely and stretching his linked hands up and behind his head so his old, tatty t-shirt rides up exposing his stomach. I resist the urge to reach out and touch him there.

"You look like shit," I tell him as he rubs at the scruff on his chin. I'm lying of course, he still looks amazing, but everything is relative. So what I actually mean is, _wow, you don't look quite as hot as you usually do, but still better than the majority of the male population of North America._

"Thanks," he says, smiling. "You look great. But then my vision is so blurred from lack of sleep that I'd probably say the same thing to Em."

"Rough night?" I ask.

"Yeah, Lucy was up every hour from midnight."

"Ouch."

We wander into the living room and I peep at the sleeping angel in her Moses basket.

"Where's Bree?"

"Sleeping."

"And when do you get to sleep?" I ask, pissed that nobody's looking out for him.

"Ha! Who needs sleep?" He begins to smile, but it turns into another yawn.

"Ok, this isn't a request, it's an order. Go to bed. Sleep. I can be here for as long as I need to be."

"You know what? I'm not even going to argue. Thank you." He steps toward me and pulls me into a hug that I never want to end. We've hugged before, but what happened last week has left every action and every word, that much more questionable. He's wrapped all around me one minute and pulling away the next, both of us averting our eyes as though we've done something wrong. Which I guess we kind of have. Kind of.

I wander through to the kitchen when he's gone, wondering if I might actually be losing my mind when I pick up his rumpled sweater from a chair and hold it to my nose. Looking around guiltily –always with the guilt these days - I fold it neatly and place it back.

Just like last week, _Edward's Weekend Tasks _lies on the counter. I glance down the list, picking out the things I can do. There's no way I'd ever do any of this for her, but I'm happy to try and help Edward catch a break, because she's obviously made it her personal task to make sure he never does.

~RH~


	7. Chapter 7

**7**

I'm halfway through washing the kitchen cupboards down, when Bree appears in the doorway. She's wearing a zebra print onesie and has her long, dark hair piled up messily on top of her head. There's no sign of any dark shadows beneath her eyes, I notice.

"Hey, Bella." She shuffles in and pulls open the refrigerator.

"Hi. Did you manage to get some sleep? Edward said you had a bad night with Lucy."

"Ugh, it was awful," she says. "I put ear plugs in, and I could still hear her. The walls are so thin in this place. In the end I had to tell him to bring her downstairs. You'd think he'd have worked that out for himself, right? Anyway, at least it meant I could get back in my own bed, the one in the spare room is so uncomfortable."

"He looked after her alone, all night?"

She laughs patronizingly at me and only the prospect of an Edward ban keeps me quiet.

"Of course! That's the deal. I cover nights during the week, and he takes the weekend."

"But she usually sleeps through?"

"Yes! Unlucky, huh?" she laughs and I've never wanted to punch someone in the face more. I wonder what he ever saw in this vapid, unlikeable woman. But then, I don't remember disliking her quite so intensely before she got pregnant with Lucy.

I wonder who's changed, her or me?

"Oh, wait. I think she woke up a couple of times Thursday night, but I was sleeping too deeply to hear her so Edward got up." She pops a grape in her mouth and smiles, close-lipped at me.

In the living room, Lucy cries out, ready for her next feed.

"Ooh! I'll go!" Bree announces, turning for the door. "Would you do me a favour? Bring me a bottle would you? Actually, I think I left all the dirty bottles in the sink, they'll need to go through the sterilizer." She's out of sight, but still calling instructions back to me.

Saying less than pleasant things about her under my breath, I go to the sterilizer. It was running when I first arrived, so Edward obviously has things under control. This woman clearly has no idea what the hell's going on in her own home.

"Here you go." I hand the warm bottle to Bree, who smiles up at me and swaps me the bottle for a dirty diaper.

"You don't mind, do you?"

"No, of course not." What else can I say? I move to go and dump the diaper outside in the trash.

"Oh, and Bella?"

I turn back around to face her. "When you've done that, you can go. I've got this now."

Wow.

"There's no need to be rude," a voice behind me says. "Bella's trying to help us out."

I want to turn and correct him, _actually I'm trying to help _you _out._ I settle for a grateful smile over my shoulder instead. Only when I turn, he pretty much takes my breath away. Just-wakened-Edward could possibly be my favorite kind.

And on that note.

"It's fine, I should probably get going anyway. Em might be back now."

He's filling the doorway, and for a moment I think he's not going to move, but at the last minute he shifts aside to let me pass. I feel his eyes on me as he follows me to the kitchen, and when I get there he exchanges them for his hands.

I freeze.

"You don't have to leave," he says, the warmth of his skin moving away again, but leaving my face burning in its wake.

Slowly turning, I raise the nappy bag on one finger.

"I really need to get rid of this," I tell him, backing away. "And then I'm going to go home."

He pouts – actually pouts – like a little boy who's been told he's not getting his own way. It would be too easy to stretch up and kiss it away, even with Bree in the next room, so I turn quickly away.

I give myself a mental high-five for resisting. It goes some way to relieving the disappointment I feel for the very same thing.

~RH~


	8. Chapter 8

**8**

Em's not home when I get back, and his phone goes straight to voicemail.

He's still not home when I wake at midnight, but when I rouse again three hours later, he's snoring beside me and the room smells of alcohol again.

He's not always been like this, but since he switched jobs four months ago, he's started calling into the bar regularly. There's usually at least one of the guys from work in there.

Truth be told, I'm more pissed that he made himself un-contactable.

I sigh and shift a little. I close my eyes but my brain is wide awake now, so I quickly give up. Grabbing my phone off my bedside table as I get out of bed, I quietly leave the room.

With a fresh glass of water in my hand I sink down onto the soft couch and flick through my phone. My Facebook newsfeed shows a video that Edward shared just two minutes ago. I watch it and it makes me laugh, so I click the 'like' button.

A notification pops up that I have a new message. My heart pounds before I even look, because I'm pretty sure I know who it will be from.

And it is.

_**Hey, couldn't sleep?**_

_Your brother came home sometime after midnight. He's busy turning the air in our bedroom into an alcoholic fug with his snores. I've escaped downstairs._

_**Not the spare room?**_

_I'm wide awake. Lucy keeping you up?_

_**She just fell back to sleep.**_

_Why are you still here? You should go get some yourself._

_Sleep, I mean ;)_

_**Ha! No chance of anything else over here! And I'm good to talk, wide awake now too.**_

I check myself as I realize I have a smile on my face, but even though I force it away, the glow that caused it is still alight in my chest.

I try desperately to think of something to reply so he doesn't sign out. He replies before I get chance, and the smile creeps back onto my lips.

_**I'm sorry Bree chased you away today. If it helps, know that one of us is grateful for your help at least.**_

_No worries, I'm glad I could help you cross some chores off your list :P_

_**Please don't mention 'the list'! It drives me insane.**_

_Then tell her._

_**I've tried, her response is worse. Trust me, the list is the lesser of two evils.**_

_:(_

_**Why the sad face?**_

_Because you seem to live under her cloud. It's not fair._

_**You don't have to worry about me.**_

_Can I ask a question?_

_**I guess.**_

_Are you happy?_

He doesn't reply, and the next moment he's showing as offline.

Fuck.

I'm mortified. What the hell was I thinking? I close the app and toss my phone down on the couch as I curl up and rest my head on a pillow.

Stupid girl.

~RH~


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N This chapter is posting a little early as my laptop just died *sob*. Hubs has kindly let me post this from his work laptop, but as I won't have access to be able to write until mine is fixed, I'm afraid I'm not sure how the updates will go now for this story in the short term.**

**Hopefully - for my own sanity as much as anything else - it won't affect things too much, but if I'm quiet you know why.**

**Thanks to everyone who has been reading & reviewing so far xx**

**9**

"Come on, Em, we're going to be late."

He runs halfway down the stairs and then bends so he can see me at the bottom to speak to me. "Have you seen my wristwatch? You know what my mom's like if I'm not wearing it."

"It was in the top drawer of your nightstand the last time I saw it."

"Thanks." He turns to run back up.

"That was a couple of weeks ago though, I haven't seen it in a while," I call up after him. "I'll wait in the car."

The clock on the dash catches my eye and I see how late we are. I crane my neck and look up to our bedroom window. I can see him clearly, speaking on his phone before he wanders from view.

He doesn't mention it again, but when he gets in the car and places his hands on the steering wheel, his sleeves ride up a little. Both wrists are bare. I don't bother saying anything, I know he hates to lose things and his mom will make sure he knows her displeasure when she sees him without it.

Esme and Carlisle's house is already busy when we arrive. I knew it would be, Carlisle's a popular guy. There were always going to be a lot of people keen to help him celebrate his birthday.

Except the mother of his only grandchild, apparently.

I'm really not looking forward to seeing Edward today. I've not spoken to him since our night-time Facebook chat and I'm still kicking myself about asking him if he's happy. Any plans I have to avoid him fly out of the window when he sees me across the room and makes his way over to me through the bodies.

"Hey!" he greets me, smiling brightly. He leans in and kisses my cheek. There's nothing in it, I tell myself. He's at least the twelfth person to have done so in the five minutes since we arrived.

I'm encouraged by the fact he seems to be acting okay with me, and I relax a little.

"Are you alone?" I ask.

"Yep, I got a pass out. Bree's taken Lucy to her mom's for the day.

"On your dad's birthday?" I raise my eyebrows. The Cullens are all about family. This is a low shot, even for her.

He reaches up and scratches the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Yeah, her aunt's visiting from New York."

He looks a little embarrassed and I feel for him. It sounds like an excuse to me, and he looks as though he knows it is. Still, I bite my tongue.

"Have you seen Em?" I ask him. It's been a while since the brothers got together, what with Em's avoidance of Bree.

"Briefly. He was replying to a text, he barely looked at me."

I roll my eyes.

"That phone never leaves his side lately," I complain, adding a small laugh to try and hide my genuine frustration.

Edward doesn't laugh, in fact he doesn't even smile. He gives me a weird look as though he's trying to work something out.

Watchful, is probably what I'd describe it as.

A silence verging on uncomfortable grows between us. I glance around the room and everyone else seems happily involved in conversation.

When I look back at Edward, he's staring at me with an intensity that causes the air to flow from my body like the ebb of a wave. My stomach is churning but I can't look away, and when somebody touches me, I jump a mile in the air.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to startle you."

My sort-of, kind-of mother-in-law has her hand on my arm. A half-assed smile is on her face, one that was probably genuine a moment ago, but then she just interrupted something and she's not sure what. So now she stands here, part smiling, part looking between Edward and me as though we're a puzzle that's confounding her.

I fix a smile to my own face and flash it brightly at her.

"Can I help with anything?" I ask, silently urging my face to quit letting the burning blush steadily creeping across it, continue.

"No, no. Everything's under control. I was just coming to say hello."

I smile and she strikes up a stilted conversation with Edward about Lucy.

I can't look at him again, and after a couple of minutes I excuse myself and duck away, escaping outside to clear my head and let my still-warm cheeks cool.

~RH~


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N Thanks to everybody who read and reviewed the last chapter - especially those who sent condolences for my laptop. It took me 36hrs of restarts and messing around, but I've managed to resurrect it for now :).**

**This update is extra long because I couldn't find a good place to split it. Because of this I can't promise there'll be another update on Saturday as I'm away for the next couple of days. I will do my best though.**

**Anyway, without further ado, here's your next chapter :)**

**10**

Em finds me as I wander across the lawn, admiring the colorful flowers adorning Esme's plants.

"What're you doing out here all alone?" he asks, putting his arm around me. I look up and he's smiling, cheeks dimpling adorably. I reach up and run my thumb across one, smiling myself.

"Just getting some fresh air and enjoying the sunshine. It was feeling a little crowded back there."

"Not avoiding my mom then? I saw you leave when she came over."

A cold dart of panic rushes through my body at the thought he was watching Edward and me, before I realize he was unlikely to be here with his arm around me and a grin on his face if he saw anything. Besides, really, what was there to see?

Guilt, guilt, guilt.

Maybe I imagined the whole thing with the way Esme looked at us too.

Ugh. Or maybe not.

_You've done nothing wrong_, I scold myself. _Thoughts. They're only thoughts_.

About my boyfriend's brother.

I realize Em just said something to me and I have no idea what. My brow furrows as I search my brain unsuccessfully for some kind of auditory memory of his words.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He turns me around, a hand on each of my arms as he examines my face carefully.

"Uh, I don't know. Maybe I'm coming down with something." Now I'm lying to cover up the fact my thoughts are wandering away with someone else. When did I become _that_ girl? "I think I'll sit out here for a while, the fresh air might help. You should go back inside."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, absolutely. I'm fine."

He doesn't look convinced, but finally he tells me he'll be back to check on me, and heads inside.

There's a bench some way down the yard, hidden by tall ornamental grasses. I touch it gently to make sure it's dry, then I sit down.

It's pretty close to heaven down here; no people noise, warm sun, birdsong. I lean back and close my eyes.

"Hey."

I'm relaxed and the voice is soft, so I don't jump. I open my eyes, squinting gently as they adjust.

"Em said you weren't feeling too good. I brought you this."

Edward sits down beside me and passes me the glass of water he was holding.

"Thanks." I lift the cold glass to my lips and take a drink, trying to ignore the fact that his arm is almost touching mine.

"Are you okay?" he asks. I risk looking up at him and he's pulling off this whole concerned prettiness thing that makes my stomach drop and my heart leap. I think to myself that I'm less okay now, in such close proximity to him, than I was when I was sitting here alone.

"Yeah, I think so. I feel better already," I tell him untruthfully as I set the glass down on the floor.

A comfortable silence falls over us, and I notice the birdsong that I'd stopped paying attention to as soon as he arrived, is still going on. I spend a moment thinking that it's kind of the way life in general has a habit of continuing without you when you look away for a moment.

"You know, you never answered my question," he says after a while.

I look at him again, confused, because I'm sure I told him I was feeling okay. He smiles at me.

"I mean on Facebook last week. After you asked if I was happy."

"Oh. I didn't see it," I tell him. "I didn't even know you'd replied, you went offline when I asked."

I don't add that I thought maybe I'd offended him, because the fact he's talking about it and telling me he replied, means that clearly I hadn't.

"What was your answer?" I ask, turning slightly so I can see him better.

"Sometimes," he says. "Always with Lucy, occasionally with Bree. I don't recognize her most of the time since Lucy was born. I thought maybe she had some kind of post-partum depression, but she saw the doctor and she ruled it out. I don't know what to think any more."

He's looking down at his hands in his lap. I think how sad he looks and I'm tempted to hug him.

But I don't.

"Are you?" He looks up suddenly, and I'm totally unprepared for the way he looks at me, all deep green eyes, golden flecks shining where the sunlight catches them. "Happy, I mean."

"I was," I tell him, forcing myself to look away. "I sometimes have no idea now. With Em these days, it's like he's drifted away somewhere and I'm clueless how to pull him back."

It's the first time I've admitted it to myself, and getting it out in the open overwhelms me in a way I never expected. Tears well up and overflow, and the fingers I'd raised to dab the droplets from the corners of my eyes, swipe at the gentle streams making their way quickly down my cheeks instead.

Edward says nothing, but he lifts an arm, puts it around my shoulders and holds me to him. I rest my head on his chest and feel for all the world as though this place has waited for me my whole life. I feel a panicky tightness begin to build in my chest, but as I take a deep breath and the smell of him fills my lungs, it dissipates, taking my tears with it.

I'm unwilling to move and Edward doesn't seem to mind. His hand stays on my arm, his fingers shifting gently on my skin in small, soothing movements. It makes me wish the rest of the world would fall away for a while so I could savor the moment properly.

But that's not how life works, and when we hear voices approaching, I push myself upright and shift along the bench so there's a respectable gap between us.

I chance a look at his face and it's showing exactly what I'm feeling. Senses of loss and longing wind their way through me, scraping away at my gut and prodding at my heart. My fingers ache with the urge to reach out, and then at the last moment, his do just that. His hand pushes across the small space between us and he tangles his fingers in mine.

Shallow breaths are all I can manage, as he leans in toward me. I think he's going to kiss me and I'm still arguing with myself over whether I'll let him, when he twists his head at the last minute and dips his face into my neck. I lean my head into his and hear his breathing stutter for a moment.

He moves away again before I've got used to him being there, and I know my cheeks are still flushed when a middle-aged couple I don't recognize, come into view. We see them before they see us, which gives me precious extra seconds to compose myself.

And yet I feel we've crossed a line this afternoon. I'm not sure all the time in the world will be enough to really compose myself again after this

I breathe deeply. For the first time, I'm actually grateful for Em's self-imposed emotional distance.

~RH~


	11. Chapter 11

**11**

The rest of the party is weird.

Em's open in the attention he pays me. He speaks to me, touches me, looks at me, but something's off. The fact I can't put my finger on it is driving me crazy.

It's not the only thing that does.

In contrast Edward speaks to me, touches me and looks at me when he thinks no-one's paying attention. The words are quiet, the touches are small and barely there and the looks are glances - but everything's deliberate and it feels much more like I'm a part of his world than Em's.

I lose track of both of them for a while as I join Esme, who's fussing over canapes in the kitchen. When we're done, I head upstairs to use the bathroom.

That's when I hear them; low voices engaged in tense conversation on the other side of Em's old bedroom door. I strain to hear what's being said, but I can barely make out a word they're saying. Frustrated, I carry on to the bathroom.

When I'm done and I open the door onto the landing, they're both there in the bedroom doorway. It's clear they've disagreed on something, and my first thought is that Em must have heard about what happened in the backyard earlier. I dismiss this thought when Em turns his head and sees me, and I realize _he's_ the one with the guilty look on his face. Edward's standing straight and tall and he gives me a look that would have me slammed against the wall if you could release the power in it.

"Are you okay?" he asks. I notice of course that it's _him_ asking, and not my boyfriend.

"Yeah." I remember to breathe and look at Em. "What's going on?"

Edward turns and stares at Em, who takes a deep breath as though he's going to speak. He seems to think better of it as he lets it out and smiles. It's not a natural smile and it looks strange on him.

"Nothing, everything's cool," he says.

Edward huffs loudly as he shakes his head and turns for the stairs.

"I meant what I said, Em," he calls back as he disappears from view.

I'm about to ask what he was talking about, but Em turns and disappears back into the room before I have a chance. He crawls onto the bed and settles on his back, his large forearm draped across his eyes.

Tendrils of fear snake through me as I take in the man before me, who I barely recognize. This is so far removed from the Em I thought I knew, that it feels mind-blowingly surreal.

"Em, you're starting to worry me," I confess, closing the door behind me as I step into the room with him. "What's going on?"

He moves his arm away and looks at me carefully.

"Can we go home?" he asks, sitting up.

Happy-go-lucky, life-of-the-party Em, is asking to leave before we've even sung Happy Birthday to his dad.

"Are you sick?" I ask, because it's the only way I can rationalize the situation.

"No," he says. "But I need to talk with you and I don't want to do it here."

I want to ask him what's so important? Shake him until the words come tumbling from his mouth. But I think I know deep down that this is going to be bad, and so in a misguided attempt to shield my heart for as long as I can, I agree.

"Okay. I'll just go and…."

I gesture behind me, but I can't find words when I have no idea what it is I'm excusing myself to do. Regardless, staying here in this suffocating room with him a moment longer, feels wrong.

Outside the door, my feet stubbornly stop working. I stumble quietly back against the wall, letting my head rest there a moment.

Afterwards I wish I'd been able to carry on.

"Hey, babe," I hear him say through the part-open door. "Yeah, I'm still at my mom and dad's. We're leaving now. I'm going to tell her."

~RH~


	12. Chapter 12

**12**

I move toward the stairs unsteadily. As I reach the bottom, I catch sight of Edward just inside the living room doorway. I reach in, catching his arm and pulling him out into the hall. Pushing him up against the wall I fight back the tears, afraid that if I let them out they might not stop flowing.

"What did he do?" I demand. He closes his eyes and lifts his head, shaking it a little. My stomach twists. "Please tell me," I whisper. "Don't make me have to listen to it from _him_, Edward. Don't let me go into this unprepared."

He looks down at me as he uses his fingers to loosen my grip on his arm.

"You're not unprepared, Bella. That's why you're panicking. You know what he's going to say."

My knees buckle and I slide through his hands as he tries to hold onto me, until I'm in a messy heap on the ground.

"I don't think I can do this," I gasp, trembling.

As much as things have changed between Em and I, his betrayal is still like a knife through the heart.

Strong arms wrap around me and lift me to my feet.

"Not here," he whispers, his lips close to my ear.

Footsteps on the stairs make me look up. Em stands near the top, watching us, his eyes narrowing at Edward.

"I didn't say a word," Edward tells his brother. "So don't look at me like that."

I push away from him, reaching deep inside for the strength I need to regain my composure.

"Let's go," I say, looking away from Em and walking toward the door. As I pull it open and walk outside, I take a deep breath, hoping the fresh air will make me feel better.

It doesn't.

Em follows me silently and we get into the car. Neither of us speaks the whole way home. We just sit in the confined space, the atmosphere growing heavier and more suffocating as the minutes pass by.

We make it through the front door and it's barely closed behind us when the question that's been tormenting me the most, explodes from my lips.

"Who is she?"

"What? Who?"

"I heard you on the phone," I tell him.

"Shit."

He clasps his hands at the back of his head, pulling his elbows in front of his face, before he drops them again. "What can I say?" he asks.

"Anything," I whisper, the anger gone for the moment as the sadness washes it all away. "Say anything, just tell me I've got it all wrong."

His hand covers his mouth and he looks like he might cry.

I hope he does.

"How long has it been?"

He looks at me and shakes his head as he moves his hand away.

"I don't know."

And just like that, the anger rushes back.

"Bullshit! How can you not know how long you've been fucking somebody else? Tell me."

He looks awkward as hell as he squirms.

"Uh… three months maybe?"

I scream and throw myself at him, letting my frustrations out through my fists as I pummel his chest. He doesn't react for a moment, but then he catches my wrists.

"Hey, hey," he says as he waits for me to stop fighting against him.

"Get the fuck off me, you bastard!" I yell, tears forcing their way out of my eyes as my hair covers my face, strands sticking to my wet cheeks as I thrash against his grip.

As he lets go I stumble back.

"I need to get out of here," I say, more to myself than him.

I grab my car keys from the hall table and pull the front door open.

"Where are you going?" he asks, running after me.

"What the hell do you care?" I wipe my hand across my nose as I sniff loudly.

"Bella!"

I get in the car and slam the door, but he pulls it open again before I can lock it.

Raising my head to look up at him, I feel more salty tears run down my face and into my mouth.

"Please, just let me go," I plead.

He backs away wordlessly and I close the door again, start the engine and pull away,

I hate him even more for giving up. He wasn't supposed to let me go.

~RH~


	13. Chapter 13

**13**

I drive without knowing where I'm going, stopping only when my path ends with a huge pile of old driftwood that separates the beach from the road.

I cut the engine and just sit.

I don't cry; I don't even have a recognizable thought. I'm completely numb.

My phone rings in my pocket, startling me in the heavy silence. I look at the screen and my heart picks up as I consider not answering. I feel betrayed by him as I think back to how his face gave it away. It was obvious now I know what was going on.

The ringing stops, but starts again almost straight away.

"Hello?"

"Are you okay?"

"What do you care?"

I can't shake the bitterness I feel.

"Bella. Trust me, I care."

The bastard cracks my defences with those simple words, and all my emotions begin to trickle back through the gaps he's created.

"Where are you?" he asks.

"I don't know… uh…."

I wipe my eyes with my free hand and hit the button to open the window, looking out to try and figure out where I've driven to. I've been here before and once I take notice of my surroundings I know where I am. "The Hoh river beach."

"Do you want me to come to you?"

"No, I… I'm okay. I'm…."

Grief pushes up in a large lump and settles in my throat, robbing me of the ability to speak. I panic and gasp for breath, a sob escaping, loud and ugly in the small space.

"Don't move, I'm on my way," he says.

I drop the phone and move the seat back so I can pull my knees up. I hug myself into a tight ball to try and hold myself together, because I fear if I don't, I could break apart completely and float away in different directions.

~RH~

The car door opens and I squint into the light, too bright after having my face buried in my arms for so long.

Edward says nothing as he reaches in and pulls me out through the door, holding me to him tightly as he leans back against the car. My tears stopped a while ago, but a few appear again as I let myself be comforted, hanging on tightly to the brother of the man that made me feel this way.

I calm quickly in his arms, anxiety draining away with every touch of his hand.

"I'm sorry," I say eventually, pushing myself away. He catches me, stopping me from putting too much distance between us.

"You have nothing to apologize for," he says. His words remind me of something.

"You knew."

"Not until today. I've suspected for a couple of weeks."

"It's been going on for three months."

His eyes widen a little and he shakes his head as he breathes out heavily.

"Shit."

"Do you know who she is?" I ask him.

He takes a breath as though he's going to answer, but then seems to change his mind. I look at him and he tries again.

"She works at the bar, that's all I know."

I scoff.

"Well that explains his sudden obsession with the place."

I turn to look toward the sea and he pulls me back against him again.

I wind my arms around him, and breath in that _Edward_ smell that, even in the depths of my despair, stirs things inside me.

"Are you going home?" he murmurs into my hair. His breath is warm and tickles, turning my arms to gooseflesh.

"I can't face seeing him again today. I need some time," I say.

Neither of us speaks for a long moment.

"You know, you can always come back my place."

I move back and look at him. He's deadly serious.

"I'm not sure…."

"I didn't mean…."

Neither of us needs to finish our sentences, we both know exactly what weight the unspoken words hold.

His face is close to mine and for a second I forget everything that's going on outside this bubble we've suddenly found ourselves in. All I can do is look, my gaze flitting between his eyes and lips. I haven't even realized that either of us has moved at all until his lips touch mine so gently, they're barely even there. The contact brings me back, and I'm thinking of pulling away when Edward pushes his mouth a little more firmly against mine, making this sound that makes my stomach somersault and my numbed senses come alive again.

I know this is wrong, but _hell_, I've never felt anything so amazingly right in my whole life, and at this moment, as every other emotional structure in my romantic life sits in ruins at my feet, I'm damned if I can bring myself to deprive myself of this moment of perfection. Because I know it'll be a stand-alone moment. As soon as the bubble pops I'll be right back where I was five minutes ago, and here in this moment, that thought is unbearable.

~RH~


	14. Chapter 14

**14**

"No, no, no." Reality creeps up and latches onto me, and I push away from him.

"Bella-"

He reaches out to catch me, but I dodge his hands.

"No! Don't you see? This makes us as bad as them. Worse! Em's your brother and you have a baby, Edward."

He turns away from me and rests his arms on the roof of the car, while I crouch down on the ground, overwhelmed by everything.

"Bella, I-" He's cut off by the sound of his phone ringing. We both know it's Em, he has his own ringtone; their song from when they were younger, the one that brought them both running from opposite sides of whatever club they were in, to the dancefloor.

"Are you going to answer that?" I ask, angry at myself and letting it leach out into my voice.

"No."

"Why not?"

He spins round.

"Why the hell do you think? Jesus, Bella."

"Well I kind of thought you'd be telling him about that anyway, after all, you guys don't seem to have secrets."

"I told you I didn't know."

He clenches his jaw and I know the situation is getting to him.

"You told me you suspected." I climb to my feet and wrap my arms around myself.

"You wanted me to tell you I thought he might be cheating? And what if I was wrong? What do you think would have happened then?"

His stance is angry and he whirls away from me, not turning back as he stalks to his car.

I hurry after him.

"I don't want to fight with you," I wail, sweeping my sleeve across my face to catch the newest tears attacking my raw face.

He stops and turns face me as he pulls the drivers door open. The sadness in his eyes almost kills me.

"Go to your dad's, Bella. I'll call you later."

"Don't leave me," I beg, absolutely shamelessly.

He walks over and hugs me.

"I'd never leave you, but you're right. This… this makes the whole situation even more complicated."

I glance into the backseat of his car and see one of Lucy's teddies, discarded on the seat.

I sigh, wearily.

"Yeah… Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry." I stand back and look up at him. "I'll speak to you later."

He reaches out and cups my damp cheek for a moment, then he ducks inside the car, slams the door and starts the engine.

He doesn't drive away though, not until I'm safely in my own car, then he follows me back to Forks.

~RH~


	15. Chapter 15

**15**

I'm still waiting for my dad to come home from work, when Edward keeps his word and calls me.

"How are you feeling?" he asks.

"My head's spinning."

"Maybe things will be clearer after some sleep."

"Why would they be?" I ask sharply. "Nothing's going to have changed by the morning. Do you think _you're_ going to wake up tomorrow with everything resolved for you?"

He's fallen silent.

"No, I guess not," he says at last.

"I don't even know how to begin to untangle everything," I confess. "What happened earlier, was that just… pity?" I cringe as I ask, because I'm not even sure I want to know the true answer.

"No, that wasn't pity," he says. "You know that; why are you even asking?"

"How would I know that? We've never discussed anything. I don't know if the things I've felt building between us over the past few weeks have all been in my head. And actually, I'm really kind of terrified that they haven't."

"I'm sorry," he says.

"What for?"

"For everything. For feeling like I do; for letting you know about it."

"People can't help how they feel," I whisper, another wave of emotions hitting me.

He doesn't reply straight away, and when he does, his voice is low.

"Bella, I have to go, Bree just got home."

I feel like I'm being ushered out of his life again. I guess I am.

"Okay."

"Bye."

The end of the call is like a door being closed, and the sudden need to move my life along hits me hard.

Maybe it's time to close a few doors of my own.

~RH~

"I'm going to kill him," my dad says when he finally arrives home and I've finished telling him what's been happening in my life. Only the stuff about Em, of course. I don't mention Edward. He moves back to the hook where his Forks P.D. jacket and gun hang, his calm demeanor freaking me out way more than if he'd been yelling.

"Dad, please."

I stand in front of him and place my hand on his chest. He pauses, looking down at me, and then he wraps his arms around me in a way he hasn't since I was a little girl. I revel in the familiarity of it, even after all these years.

"I'm sorry, Bells." His voice is gruff and I can tell he's feeling emotional. Well that makes two of us. I blink the tears back. I've cried enough for one day over that loser.

"I'm sorry too," I tell him.

~RH~

It's weird how an emotional day can leave you both exhausted and yet also wide awake. I thank God for letting me suffer this in the technological age though, because at least I can pick my phone up and keep my mind occupied until it agrees to give in and let me sleep.

I'll admit I'm not beyond a little cyber-stalking, and as I open Facebook to see if Em has posted anything, I see another friend has added Alice Brandon, my go-to good time girl from high school. A huge grin spreads across my face as I click 'add friend'. I smile almost impossibly wider when she accepts my request almost immediately, and then the red message notification appears.

**Bella Marie! Where have you been hiding that pretty face?**

_Oh my God! Where did you appear from?_

**You first!**

_Ha! I've not been hiding, been right back in Forks since I graduated college. You?_

**Been in Port Angeles for the past four years, but I'm moving back to Forks next month. **

_You're clearly no saner than the last time I saw you! Why would you come back to Forks?_

**New job at the hospital! I'm excited to be coming home :)**

_Did you become a nurse? I remember it was your dream._

**Yes :). How about you? Job? Married? Kids?**

_No kids, no husband, working at the newspaper. Been trying to take more freelance writing on as an extra._

**Journalism? You got your dream too!**

_Haha! I got the reality, there's nothing very dreamy about it. Who knew? :P_

**Yeah, same here. Turns out there aren't many handsome young men needing bed baths.**

_:D_

**So, I'm going to be looking for somewhere to live. If you hear of a room to rent, let me know.**

_I might know of one, I'll check and let you know._

**That would be awesome 3. I have to go, I have a late shift.**

_Ok, great speaking to you. I'll let you know about the room xx_

**Thanks B! Speak soon x**

In the room where Alice and I had sleepovers, smoked secret cigarettes out of the window, sneaked boys in when my dad was at work and had our first taste of liquor, I fall asleep with something good on my mind. It goes nowhere near cancelling out all the bad things that happened today, but it's a glimmer of something to look forward to, and I need that more than anything right now.

~RH~


	16. Chapter 16

**16**

Em's car's in the driveway when I get back there the next day. I was hoping I wouldn't have to face him so soon, but I'm here now, and I'm not the one who's done anything wrong. I wonder how he'll act with me. I also briefly panic he might have someone - _her_ - here with him. Surely he wouldn't do that? He should know I'll be back at some point.

Other than a text last night asking if I was okay, I've heard nothing from him. I'm equal parts relieved and pissed. If there was the slightest chance that I might be willing to discuss any kind of future with him, his disinterest in fighting for us kills it dead.

I thank God for the fact we never got around to buying our own place or progressed past discussing marriage. At least this way the break will be simple - practically speaking, at least.

The familiar action of putting my key in the lock and the sound as it turns, feels strangely foreign, as though it's been months rather than hours since I was last here.

I drop my keys on the table and poke my head through into the living room, but there's no sign of him downstairs, so I head up.

I can see him through the open bedroom doorway.

He looks up at me as I come into view.

"Hi," he says, looking away again as he puts a stack of t-shirts into the holdall he has open on the bed.

"Hi."

I lean against the doorframe, watching him.

"I'm going to my mom and dad's. I'll pay half the rent until the contract is up," he says.

That's it then. We're through.

"Fine. Don't forget to leave your key on the way out."

I turn, eager to get out of the way. I really don't want to have to watch him actually leaving.

"Bella," he calls. I look back. "I really am sorry. I-"

"Don't bother. I'm going out."

My stomach roils, and as I walk away, I'm afraid for a moment that I'm going to vomit. I squeeze my eyes closed for a moment and swallow, and thankfully it passes.

I get in the car and drive to the Thriftway. It seems a good distraction, but as I begin to place items in the shopping cart, it hits me that I only have myself to shop for now. I place a couple of items back on the shelf when I realize Em was the only one who ate them, and when I reach for the milk, it's only half the size of the carton I usually buy.

This sucks.

I hear the text alert chime on my phone while I'm packing the groceries, and don't check it until I'm back in the car. Despite everything going on, my stomach still flips when I see it's from Edward.

_**Sorry about having to cut off mid convo last night. How are you?**_

_I've been better. Em's gone back to your mom & dad's. _

_**My mom's going out of her mind over it all. Has she called you yet?**_

_No. Should I expect her to?_

_**She said she would.**_

_Ok. How are you?_

_**Tired as usual. I was on night duty.**_

_When are you not?_

_**I told Bree I can't carry on like this. I'm going to collapse, she has to do more.**_

_**Sorry, I shouldn't be telling you this, you have enough to worry about.**_

_It's fine, I don't mind, but I'm not sure it's good for either of us right now. _

_**Yeah, I get it. Don't worry.**_

I don't reply again and neither does he. Part of me wants to go back on what I just told him, to reply again with, '_actually, forget I just said that. I'll be your shoulder to cry on when that bitch is grinding you down. And maybe together we can get you out of there.'_

There. I let myself actually put my feelings these past few weeks, into words in my head. I hate that the demanding, selfish bitch my once-normal, mostly fun ex sister-in-law (kind of) has become gets to turn him into her slave and make him feel the way he does.

He deserves better.

~RH~


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N I apologise for any errors in this. My laptop died completely and had gone in to be repaired, which means I've typed this on an old, useless laptop I've given up on, and my phone. Hopefully normal device will be resumed soon! **

**17**

I have no idea why the sound of the doorbell makes me feel so anxious. I'm twitchy and on edge, stopping to check my reflection in the mirror as I pass by on my way to answer the door and sighing at the dark circles beneath my eyes. I guess I've had a lot on my mind lately, and my brain seems determined to work its hardest to try and resolve everything during the hours of darkness. Social media is my solace at these times, and I find a strange comfort in the green light that glows beside Edward's name, when the rest of my friends sit unilluminated.

We chat occasionally, but I've been trying hard to keep things cool and distant.

Let's just say I'm following my head; my heart is definitely pulling for something more.

I open the door. Alice smiles at me.

"Hi!"

"Hey! Come on in."

She steps into the hallway, stopping just behind me as I close the door and turn to look at her.

"Oh my God, you don't look any different! Why haven't you aged?"

I'm whining and she laughs. I'm not joking though, other than growing her dark hair a little longer, she still looks the same.

"I had no idea how much I'd missed you," she says. She steps forward and hugs me, and all the awkwardness I was feeling as I waited for her to arrive, vanishes. We apparently have that friendship that bridges years without faltering; where it feels like days since we last saw one another, instead of the five years it's actually been.

"So, this is the house?" she asks, looking around her. "What happened to your last roommate?"

I take a breath.

"He left me for someone else," I blurt out.

It takes a moment for the words to sink in, and I know when they have because she slowly turns to look at me with her mouth hanging open before she regains her composure.

"Wow. I'm sorry, I had no idea."

She reaches out and rubs my arm for a moment.

"Ah, it's okay," I reassure her with a shrug. "The shock was the worst bit, I didn't see it coming. Things hadn't been great between us for a while though. It took this to happen for me to realize it."

"It's still a shitty thing to go through," she says. "I'm sorry."

"It is," I agree. "And thanks."

I lead her upstairs to show her the spare room. "Obviously all the crap will be gone," I tell her, gesturing to various bits of luggage, sports equipment and boxes we'd dumped in there over the past couple of years. "Don't feel you have to say yes, though. It's fine if it's not your thing."

"What if I say no?" she asks. I pull a face.

"I'll have to find somewhere smaller. I don't want to live with a complete stranger."

She smiles.

"Well, I love it. Consider yourself the proud owner of a new roomie."

"You do?"

"I do. Bella, I could have cried at the thought of looking through Craigslist for a place and trying to guess the psychopaths from the way the ads are worded. You've done me a huge favor."

We move downstairs and briefly talk through contracts before we move on to catching up.

"So, would the douche-bag boyfriend happen to be Emmett Cullen?" she asks as she sips the wine I've poured for her. I look at her and raise an eyebrow. "Obviously I looked through your Facebook as soon as I accepted your friend request, duh!"

I smile.

"Of course you did."

"He's not changed since high school," she says.

"Other than his morals," I tell her. "They took quite the turn in the last few months."

Alice shakes her head as we fall silent. "So, what about you? Are you dating anyone?" I ask.

"No." She lets out a loud sigh. "I'm open to offers though. You don't have a cute guy to offer as well as a room do you?"

"Trust me, Alice, if I had a cute guy, I wouldn't be offering to share him. Not even with you."

She smirks and I get the strongest urge to tell her about the Edward situation. I bite my tongue before the words can tumble out, jostling for freedom as they are, within my mind.

I lift my glass to my mouth and drain the wine from it. Alice giggles and leans over to refill it.

I welcome the extra alcohol, but at the same time I know that if I drink much more, there's no way I'll manage to keep my mouth shut about everything.

My thoughts and feelings have been bouncing around alone for too long; they're desperate for company.


	18. Chapter 18

**18**

"I've come for the rest of my stuff." Em's hovering on the doorstep while I try to get over the shock of seeing him there. I don't remember him ever looking as uncomfortable as he does at this moment, he's usually pretty together.

He's not spoken to me, or made any attempt to, since he moved out. The knowledge I'm so disposable to him, stings like hell.

"Now?" I ask.

"Well you were the one who left the message with my mom, asking me to come and get it."

He's right.

"I thought you might call first," I tell him, not even trying to disguise my annoyance.

"Is it a bad time?" He's trying to look past me and I wonder if he thinks I have company.

I consider being awkward about it, just because, but what difference will it make? He'll only have to call back again.

I sigh, probably a little more dramatically than the situation warrants.

"Okay, I guess we can do this now," I tell him.

"Thanks," he says with a small smile. He looks a little more tired and a little less tidy than usual. His hair could use a wash and I've rarely seen the scruff on his face as long as it is now. I vaguely wonder if he sees any differences when he looks at me; if there _are_ any to see.

He follows me upstairs, pausing in the open doorway to the now-empty spare room and taking in the dust sheets and unopened paint cans.

"I have a new roommate moving in," I explain. Not that I owe him any explanations, his name is off the contract for the place now.

"You hate painting." He turns and looks at me.

"_I'm_ not painting it," I reply. He pauses, saying nothing for a moment, but the way he stares at me is more than a little disconcerting.

"Who is?" he asks eventually.

It's no secret, but the fact he asked has rubbed me the wrong way.

"That's none of your business," I say, folding my arms and staring back at him.

He looks away first, huffing a loud breath out.

"I was just trying to make conversation, Bella."

I shake my head.

"Bullshit."

"Whatever. Shall we just get on with this?"

"Fine by me."

I march ahead of him into my bedroom and pull open the closet door.

"I boxed it all up for you. I'm pretty sure I didn't miss anything." I gesture to the neat piles of boxes filling every available space.

"I'll have my lawyer get right onto it if you have," he says.

I turn sharply, prickling at the unnecessary mention of lawyers.

I'm shocked when I see him smiling at me. He raises his eyebrows and I know then he was joking. The familiarity in his face as he smiles, catches me off guard and I feel some of the tension leave me. I smile tentatively back.

"Asshole," I say, still smiling as I turn away to start pulling his boxes out.

"Here, let me." He puts his hands on my hips from behind and maneuvers me to one side. I freeze, the smile vanishing as I spin round.

"Don't touch me."

He holds his hands up as though I'm pointing a gun at him.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. I just… I guess I forgot for a moment."

I back up to the bed and sit down on it, my body and mind both shaken by the unexpected contact and the strength of the reaction it provoked.

Em moves as though he's going to approach me, but I wave him away.

"I'm fine. You carry on."

My voice is small; insignificant.

He glances back at me as he bends to lift a stack of boxes, clearly not believing my declaration that I'm okay. He always did know when I was lying.

On his third trip back from carrying his things downstairs, I lose the fight to keep my questions to myself. He's inside the closet with his back to me as he makes another stack of boxes.

"Em? Who is she?" I ask.

He turns and walks back out, empty-handed.

"You really want to know?"

I nod my head.

"Yeah."

My voice is in direct contrast to my words. I'm well aware the reason I don't sound convincing is because I'm not entirely convinced that it will help me at all. It's been eating away at me though, so clearly ignorance is not always bliss either.

He takes a deep breath and slips his hands in the pockets of his jeans, pushing them in as far as they'll go.

"Her name's Charlotte. She works at the bar, that's where I met her. I don't think you'll know her, she's pretty new to town."

The bitch has a name then.

"How old is she?"

"Twenty-two."

Ouch.

I roll my eyes.

"Huh. I never thought I'd get traded in for a younger model while I was still in my twenties."

"Bella." He drags my name out, as though he's disappointed in me. What the hell did he expect? Congratulations and a slap on the back?

"Forget it. I'll help you carry these last boxes."

I want him gone so I can wallow in my single girl misery.

I'm placing the box I just carried on the floor beside the rest, when my phone rings. Pulling it from my pocket, I see Edward's name lighting up the screen.

"Are you avoiding someone?" Em asks, as I decline the call without answering.

"Oh, no. It was just the painter," I say, trying not to blush as I fight the feeling I was just nearly caught doing something I shouldn't have been.

"I was hoping for an answer that would explain the smile on your face," he says as he opens the door to leave, taking all evidence that he ever lived here, with him.

~RH~


	19. Chapter 19

**19**

"Are you sure about this?" It's possibly the twentieth time I've asked. To someone who hates painting as much as I do, the idea anyone would actually volunteer to do it, is kind of hard to accept.

"We're sure, okay?"

Edward's friend Jasper ushers me out of the bedroom. I glance back over my shoulder and Edward throws me a smile that makes my heart speed up.

"Okay, I guess I'll get out of your way and check on Lucy then."

Bree had plans (of course she did), when Edward told her he was coming to decorate for me. And no, she couldn't possibly change them, or take Lucy with her, he'd have to bring the baby with him. Or better still, he could stay home and spend some quality time with his daughter. And why was he still in touch with me anyway? His brother had split up with me, so I was no longer part of the family. And then they argued and she told him to get out. He spent the night at his mom and dad's.

Bitch.

I wasn't supposed to know any of that, but I'd overheard as he told Jasper. I feel bad that I'd been at the root of their argument, but I get the impression he's beginning to stand up to her a little more, and that makes me happy. Then I feel bad for being happy they're arguing. Ugh. I'm basically a clusterfuck of emotions right now.

Edward had offered to decorate the room alone, and in fairness it was probably only a one-man job, but I was uneasy about being alone in the house with him. Our relationship - or whatever you'd call it - still sits a little uncomfortably with me. I've put some distance between us; we never deliberately meet up in person and I delete and re-write each message I send him at least twice, to make sure everything sounds innocent. His replies are borderline flirtatious, despite me warning him off. I've stopped saying anything about it now. Besides, I kind of like it.

I know, I know. I'm kind of heavy on the self-judgement, I don't need any help.

So, I told him that while I was grateful for his offer of help, I didn't think it was a good idea. I didn't spell it out, but I think he knew what I was implying, because the next day he let me know his friend Jasper had agreed to help. I know Jas a little, they've been friends for years and he's a good guy.

Lucy's been changed and fed and is snuggled into my chest on the couch when Edward comes downstairs to check on us.

He stops and smiles as he steps into the living room.

"Everything okay?" he asks.

"Yeah, we're good." I smile back and we're both quiet for a moment as he gazes down at Lucy's face. "How're things at home?" I ask.

As if I didn't know. Morbid curiosity is wondering if he'll tell me though.

He grimaces and sits down at the other end of the couch, facing us.

"Not great," he admits. "I've been telling myself if we can get Lucy's first year behind us, things will settle down and get easier."

He seems to catch the look of disbelief on my face at his delusional thinking. "Yeah, I know I'm clutching at straws. I guess I just want to believe things aren't as broken as they seem to be. It doesn't seem fair to Lucy to split the family apart when she's so young. It feels as though I've not given it a fair chance if I call it a day now."

I can't speak, so instead I gaze down intently at the baby as I rub gentle circles on her small back.

"You're angry at me," he says. I glance up and away again, his eyes too intense to meet for long.

"It's none of my business," I say, biting back every home truth about his relationship that I want to let pour from my mouth.

"Please don't, Bella. I spend so much time on the other end of Bree's anger, I really don't want that for us too."

_Us?_

He's pleading and it makes my heart hurt.

"I just…." I don't finish the sentence, sighing in frustration instead.

"Go on," he urges. I consider it for a moment.

"No." I shake my head. "Forget it."

He doesn't need to know I don't believe in staying in an unhappy relationship for the sake of a baby. It's not going to make either of us feel any better if I say it.

"I'm doing my best," he says. "But it seems I can't please anyone."

He stands and leaves the room, but the atmosphere remains.

"I just want to make you happy," I whisper after him, but he's gone. Lucy squirms and I gently kiss her head. "Let's get out of here and take a walk," I tell her softly, clutching her to me as I stand. "I need to clear my head."

~RH~


	20. Chapter 20

**20**

"Hey, I'm sorry for before," I say to Edward in a low voice. Jasper just went home and we're gathering Lucy's things together as she sleeps in her car-seat, ready for them to leave too. "It really is none of my business. I just hate to see you so unhappy."

He pauses and looks at me.

"I'm really not _that _unhappy," he says steadily. "I mean, things could be better, but we're okay."

I stare at him.

"No." I laugh nervously, thinking I must have misheard him. "Earlier you were telling me that things weren't great and you'd thought about leaving, now you're telling me you're okay? Oh, man."

I shake my head and turn away from him as I start pacing, but he grabs my arm, halting me. I spin sharply toward him.

"It's not just about me, Bella. I have a little girl who I have to put first."

"Yeah, a little girl who'll be far more damaged by the toxic relationship you're in with her mother, than a split that she won't even remember," I spit out.

He stares at me as he composes himself, then he speaks, his tone measured.

"Do you know what Bree's mom does for a living?" he asks me.

I shake my head, no.

"She's a lawyer. She works for one of the state's most successful family law firms. So bearing that in mind, what do you think Bree said to me, the first time I ever ran the idea of leaving, past her?"

He lets go of me and I flop down onto the arm of the couch.

"Shit."

"Yeah, that about sums the situation up," he says.

"She has to be bluffing," I tell him. "I've not seen her act in any way that makes me think she'd want to raise a baby single-handedly."

"And you think I can risk that?" he demands.

We stare at each other long enough for our anger to ebb away a little.

"Why are you here?" I ask, fear wrapped around the question so tightly I can barely raise my voice above a whisper. He frowns and I know I'll have to give him more. "I mean, if you have no intention of leaving her, why are you still here with me now? The messages and the calls…."

He shifts uncomfortably, and I watch his beautiful face as his jaw muscles flex.

"I know I'm not being fair on you, and I keep telling myself I'll stop. Then I get this feeling that kind of builds up, and it's like I'll explode unless I speak to you. Some nights I'm not even up with Lucy when I message you, I just wake up and can't get back to sleep until I've checked if you're awake too. It's like a sick, fucking addiction or something." He shakes his head and sits on one of the armchairs. "I don't even know."

He rubs his hand over his face and he looks so sad, I go to him, hesitating only slightly as I rise.

I walk across and kneel on the floor between his legs. His hands are gentle, almost unsure, but then he pulls me into a tight hug, his hand on the back of my head, holding me to him as he apologises over and over.

My mouth is right beside his ear. I shush him and tell him it's fine, my mind straying to wonder how much he's affected the positive way I seem to have coped with Em leaving. I suspect he's had a pretty substantial impact.

We part a little, enough that we're face to face. And then he moves, and I know he's going to kiss me, and that I'm going to let him.

Our lips have barely touched when his phone starts to ring, disturbing Lucy.

"You should go," I tell him, still nose to nose, as the noise stops and the baby settles a little.

"I know."

But he doesn't. At least not before he's leaned in and kissed me long and hard and deep. The kind of kiss that makes you forget your name and who you are.

The kind of kiss that _changes_ who you are.

Because I never considered myself to be the kind of woman that would ever be branded a homewrecker, no matter how fucked up the relationship already was.

But now… now I'm not so sure I have any boundaries as far as Edward Cullen's concerned.

~RH~


	21. Chapter 21

**21**

Sleep has danced just out of reach all night, yet now the sun is up it drapes itself around me, trying to drag me under.

My brain is functioning through a fug of exhaustion, but still there's no question in my mind that Edward and I crossed a line yesterday. A solid, without-question line, that I sort of hate myself for disregarding.

I pick the mug of coffee up from the counter and shuffle through to the living room to curl up on the couch. I avoid the bright dart of early morning sunshine that cuts through the room and lights up the swirling dust motes I disturbed as I walked by.

I know the coffee will scald my mouth, but I take a sip anyway, flinching at the pain.

Setting the mug down I reach for my laptop and check Facebook. There's nothing from Edward; he's been silent all night, but the news ticker on the right hand side of the screen announces that _Bree Tanner and Charlotte Mellor are now friends._

I narrow my eyes and click on Charlotte's name.

The impact lands heavily in my stomach as I look at the profile pic of her and Em smiling sickeningly at the camera, their arms around one another. And her and Bree are now friends?

"Ugh. Good luck, bitches," I mutter as I click back to my newsfeed. I can't handle going down that road today.

The doorbell rings and I heave myself off the couch.

"Hi, Bella."

Jasper smiles at me as I let him pass. Judging by his cheery demeanour, he had a full night's refreshing sleep.

I hate him.

"Where's Edward?" I ask, realizing he's alone.

"Uh, some issue with Bree." He pulls the face I want to make and I decide to forgive him for the sleep thing. "He said he'll try and make it over a little later."

I do my best to adopt my _couldn't give a shit_ expression.

"Okay. You want a coffee before you start?"

"Sure."

He follows me through to the kitchen and leans back against the counter as I fill a mug with coffee for him.

"What do you think of Bree?" he asks as I hand it to him, catching me completely off guard.

I shake my head and smile a little.

"You really don't want to know," I say. One side of Jasper's mouth pulls up in a smile.

"I guess that answers my question," he says with a gentle laugh.

"I feel for Edward," I find myself admitting to his friend. "She's really got him by the balls as far as Lucy goes."

"Yeah."

We sit peacefully for a minute or so, before he speaks again.

"He's not happy with her, you know. I mean, if someone else came along..." He looks right at me and I wonder if he knows anything. In my sleep-deprived state, the discussion flusters me.

"I'm not sure we should be... I mean, it's not really our place..."

I stand, flinching as the chair scrapes across the floor, and turn my face away from him hastily, before he can see the heat that tints my face. Turning the faucet on, I begin to drop the few pots that sit on the counter, into the sink.

"I'm gonna go and get started upstairs," Jasper says softly, placing his hand on my waist as he reaches around me to place his mug in the water.

"Okay."

He's leaving the room when I shut off the water and call after him. He turns.

"I'm sorry," I say. "Things are... complicated right now. I'm not sure what..." I fail to finish my sentence again.

"I know," he says with a nod and a small smile, then he turns and goes.

~RH~

"Sorry."

"It's fine."

Edward brushes past me, nudging the door behind him.

"Is Jas here?" He looks toward the stairs.

"Yeah, he's been here since nine."

He shakes his head, frustration rolling off him.

"Shit."

"Look, you're doing me a favor, it really doesn't matter."

He looks down and I realize I've grabbed his hand.

"Sorry." It's my turn to apologize as I begin to slide my fingers away. His close around them before I can fully let go.

His perfect face stuns me, as I look up into it. My eyes lock with his, and I briefly wonder if it would be rude to ask Jasper to leave. This thought makes me smile and breaks the spell.

"What?" he asks, his own mouth curling up to mirror mine.

I look down, trying to compose myself.

"Nothing."

I glance back at him and he raises his eyebrows. "I can't tell you," I whisper.

He lets go of my hand and steps closer, leaning down to whisper in my ear.

"Can't or won't?" he asks, the touch of his breath making my skin tingle as he runs his hands up my arms.

"Bella?"

We both jump and look up to find Alice watching us curiously. "I'm sorry, the front door was open a little way."

Edward takes a step back, hanging his head and cursing under his breath.

"I'd better go and see Jasper." He turns and disappears upstairs, while I take a deep breath and prepare to face twenty questions from my friend.

Alice hooks her arm through mine and leads me through to the living room.

"Really, Bella? Are you collecting Cullens now?" she asks as she closes the door behind us.

~RH~


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N There were some reviewers who felt Alice's 'collecting Cullens' comment at the end of the last chapter was a swipe at Bella. Just to clear up, it was meant as a good-spirited tease. My apologies it wasn't made clear xx**

**Thanks again to all those taking the time to read, review and rec this story. I love you all 3**

**22**

"Just tell me this isn't a revenge thing on Em," Alice says. "Because I know you're better than that."

"No, it's definitely not," I tell her. "It's, uh... been building for a while."

"Before Em left?" she asks. I nod my head, not wanting to admit it out loud. Not that it changes anything.

"And don't worry, _I _thought I was better than this whole mess, but it looks like I was wrong."

She comes and sits beside me and puts an arm around my shoulder.

"We can't help who we're attracted to." she says.

"Are you mad at me?"

"I'm _here_ for you." she reassures me. "I'm your friend, it's not my job to judge."

I have no idea how she actually feels about the situation, which I guess was the point she was making.

"Thanks."

It's a relief to know I'm finally able to talk to somebody about it.

"I don't want you to get hurt and I'm worried that's exactly where this is leading though. You've got the added complication of the ties you have with his family."

I turn and look at her, because, really? Does she think I haven't realized every flawed part of having a relationship with him?

"Sorry, I was just thinking out loud," she says.

"Alice, you haven't seen what a bitch she is to him." I glance at the door and lower my voice. "Every moment he's not at work, she has him running around after her and Lucy. Or she goes out for hours on end and leaves them. Honestly, the guy can't catch a break."

"If he's unhappy he should leave," she says, as if it's just that simple. I guess on the outside looking in, it possibly is.

"I think she's made all kind of threats about the baby," I tell her.

She shakes her head.

"Oh! And guess what she did this morning!" I exclaim, grabbing my phone and opening Facebook. I find the picture of Charlotte and Em on Charlotte's profile and hold it out for Alice to see. "She friended Em's new girlfriend."

"Give me that." Alice takes the phone from me and peers at the screen, zooming in and flicking through her other photographs as she makes noises and derisive comments that have me snorting in amusement.

When she falls silent for a moment, I lean across to see what she's looking at. She turns it so I can see it properly.

"Some kind of family party last night," she says. The picture is of Edward, his face lit up in a glorious smile at somebody out of shot. I take the phone from her. There are no more photos of him, but it's clear now how Bree & Charlotte's new Facebook friendship came to be. In picture after picture, they're laughing, wine glasses in hand, pulling faces that I want to punch.

When the next one shows Em and Charlotte with his mom and dad, I close the app and drop the phone onto the couch. I'm done.

The sting of exclusion pricks at my skin, while my cheeks heat at the memory of how easily I believed Edward was unhappy with Bree.

Alice squeezes my hand and I fight the threat of tears as I turn to look at her.

"Why don't you go and see how your room's looking?" I say. "I'm fine, really."

She smiles sadly, but I can see she knows I need a minute or two alone.

"Okay," she agrees and gets up. She stops and looks back as she reaches the door. "You have five minutes of self-pity, then I'm taking you out to distract you from all this man-related mind-fuckery," she says.

I can't help the smile that creeps in at her words.

"Wow. Alice Brandon; face of an angel, mouth of a trucker."

She laughs and winks at me as she leaves, and as the door closes behind her I slip back down into my funk.

I wonder about Edward and about whether I actually have the right to confront him. I mean, on the one hand he told me how unhappy he was with Bree when the photo showed him enjoying himself, but on the other hand, what is he to me? I don't actually have any claim over him.

Maybe I'm not cut out to be 'the other woman' after all.

~RH~


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N I'm aware these updates are continuations of the same day in the story, and for that reason I'm trying to keep it moving forward with this extra update. **

**Thanks for the continued support :) xx**

**23**

I'm expecting Alice back when the living room door opens and Edward walks in. He closes it behind him and smiles at me; long, slow and dirty as he stalks forward. Panic sets in, as I try to decide how to deal with everything.

I stand before he can reach me, holding my hands out in defense.

"Edward, stop."

He stills and I watch as the smile slides from his face.

"Are you okay?"

"Where were you last night?"

I never intended to ask this, or any other question of him, but I guess part of me needs answers. My voice is small and I'm feeling kind of pathetic. I hate that I ever got myself into this with him, because now the thought of getting out seems unbearable.

He looks at me and sighs.

"It was Grandma's birthday."

I try to pin down yesterday's date in my head. April twelfth. Of course.

"And Em took his new girlfriend?"

He looks uncomfortable, as though he doesn't want to discuss it.

"I think she sort of invited herself. Mom wasn't thrilled to have her there. She misses you a lot and Charlotte's a little... rough around the edges."

I try not to think how much I miss Esme too, because I'm determined not to cry.

"Well _you_ looked pretty happy to be there."

"I _was_ happy to be there, Bella. It was my grandmother's birthday. What do you want me to say?"

I think of all the things I'd like to hear slip from his lips and know that I can't demand any of them from him.

"Nothing. I guess there's nothing."

The familiar feeling of defeat blankets me.

"Bella, I've told you I want out, but I can't right now. I'm stuck where I am for Lucy. I'm doing the best by my daughter and I won't let you make me feel bad for that."

His hands are pushing through his hair and I know I've got him frustrated.

"Well I'm not sure I can do this while you're stuck there. And you know what? I won't let you make me feel bad for that either."

He looks right at me and I almost forget my resolve not to cry. I'm pretty sure he's fighting tears too.

"I wouldn't," he says. "The last thing I want is to make you feel bad."

"This whole mess is doing just that," I tell him. "I spend half my time with my stomach twisted in knots."

"Yeah, me too," he admits, holding out a hand toward me. I ignore it. "I'm sorry."

And he looks it, he genuinely does, but then I remember everything I ever read about men who are having affairs. The lies they tell and the women who fall for it every time. All the cases of _we don't have sex any more_ that turn out to be false, debunked by the wronged wives who didn't even suspect anything was wrong because of how fantastic their sex life still was. I think back to when he told me '_that was the first time she's touched me in six months' _and find myself questioning whether there was any truth in it.

I _want_ to believe him.

I want him to be everything I always thought he was, but I can't be sure he is.

And so it comes down to this.

"I'm sorry too. And I think we need to stop whatever it is we were thinking of starting."

He hasn't even had a chance to reply when Alice opens the door.

"Are you ready?" she asks. Her eyes are wide and worried as she looks at us.

"Yeah," I reply. "I'm going out," I tell him. "There's a key on the side, you can leave it under the blue plant pot outside when you're done. And thanks for the decorating, I appreciate it."

I reach for his hand and squeeze it briefly as I walk past him.

He squeezes back but doesn't say a word, and when he lets go my heart drops.

I think it shatters as little as it lands.

~RH~


	24. Chapter 24

**Mini update to conclude this part of the story! More to follow later :)**

**Thanks for the support and lovely reviews after the last chapter x**

**24**

"Are you okay?" Alice asks as I fasten my seatbelt and lean my head back against the seat with a loud sigh.

"Not really."

"You want to talk about it?"

I turn my head to look at her.

"Not right now."

She offers a sympathetic smile and reaches across to pat my knee as she starts the engine.

"Shout if you change your mind."

I smile a little.

"I will," I tell her.

"Anyway, in other news, why the hell didn't you tell me about Edward's hot friend?" she demands as she reverses out of the driveway.

"You mean Jasper?" I ask with a giggle.

"Yes. Why? Does he have others you're not telling me about?" she glances across, eyes shining.

"Oh my God," I say, laughing.

"Bella, can I just say, it's been a while for me, if you know what I mean. Please don't judge."

My laughter dries up.

"The downside of the single life," I sigh, letting my mind wander.

"Tell me about it," she says wistfully. "Anyway, I thought we were going out to forget about guys? No more moping."

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"I thought we'd head for Port Angeles and start with lunch. My treat."

"On one condition."

"Which is?"

"You grab some stuff and stay over at mine tonight. It's not fair you have to make the drive an extra couple of times for me."

"Bella, it's fine, really. I-"

"Also the company would be kind of great right now," I cut in.

"Okay, sure."

We're both quiet; lost in our thoughts, until I feel the need to tell her something.

"I'm glad you're back."

She smiles, turning her eyes briefly to mine before looking back to the road.

"Me too."

~RH~


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N Hi everyone! We're back on the regular update schedule after this one - see you all on Thursday (I hope!) xx**

**25**

Alice and I look at one another in alarm as a series of loud bangs sound from the front door.

"Who the hell is that?" I look down at my phone to check the time. It's almost midnight.

"Come on, we'll go together," Alice says, getting up from the couch and marching bravely toward the noise. I follow her, pulling my old hoodie tight around me. It's been a little over a month since she moved in, and right now I'm filled with relief that I'm not alone.

There's a window next to the door, and she pulls the curtain aside, peering out before turning back to me with a grimace.

"I think it might be for you."

Pushing gently past her, I take a look.

"Jesus."

I pull the door open. "What the hell are you doing?"

Emmett sways gently on his feet.

"I needed to see you."

The familiar smell of beer and cigarettes pours off him and hits me, making my nose wrinkle.

"Well, you saw me. Now go home."

He takes a step closer and I close the door a little, creating more of a barrier between us.

"I want to say sorry. I..." He stops and sighs, hanging his head and swaying a little more. "I made a mistake."

"Em, don't do this," I warn him. My voice is strong, but hides the desperation and the panic that rises in my chest as I realize what's happening here.

"I love you, Bella. I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me." He turns and stumbles to the edge of the porch, lowering himself onto the top step in possibly the slowest movement I've ever seen. If the situation wasn't making me feel so sick, it would almost be amusing.

"I don't want to know, okay? Please, Em. Just go home."

I close the door and lean back against it, looking over at Alice. She's shaking her head.

"Oh, Bella."

I move to look through the window again. He's still there.

"He'll get bored of waiting eventually," I tell her with more conviction than I'm feeling, as I lead her back into the living room.

We check every half hour. He doesn't knock again, but he doesn't move away either.

"Is he even conscious?" I whisper to her as we huddle around the window at two thirty in the morning.

"Uh..." She peers more closely. "Oh! Yeah, he just scratched his nose."

We move back, letting the curtain drop back into place. "Bella, I don't think he's going anywhere. Do you want me to go out there?"

I seriously consider saying yes, just for a moment, but ultimately I know that I should be the one to deal with this.

"No," I sigh. "No, I'll go."

I open the door, flicking on the latch so I don't get locked out.

He doesn't look up as I sit down beside him on the cold wooden surface of the step. In contrast, I don't take my eyes off him. He looks terrible.

"Em, you should go home and sleep it off."

He looks at me with dark, tired eyes.

"I'm sorry. I made a huge mistake leaving you for Charlotte."

"She's dumped you?" I ask, unable to stifle my wry smile.

"No." He almost looks offended. "I dumped her."

"Oh."

I don't know why I'm so surprised, but I am. I guess I assumed when he turned up here, he was on the rebound.

"Bella, I know you probably hate me - hell, I hate myself for what I did - but is there any chance you'd consider giving things another go between us? I swear to God, I'll never look at anyone else as long as I live."

He's gripping my hand tightly, and as I look at his face, I know something for certain.

I have no love for this man.

A certain fondness based on shared past experiences? Maybe. A vitriolic loathing based on what he put me through? Uh-huh.

Love?

Not a shred.

"Emmett. I have no interest in rekindling anything with you. Ever. Now, I'm asking you one last time before I call my dad; go home and leave me alone. Please."

I push myself up off the step and head back into the house, locking the door behind me.

"I'm exhausted," I tell Alice, no longer caring if Em has left or is still sitting out there. "I'll see you in the morning."

~RH~


	26. Chapter 26

**26**

"You remember Angela Webber from school?" Alice asks me as we prepare dinner.

"Of course."

We were never best friends, but we always got on well. She was kind and smart and I had a lot of time for her.

"We're working most of the same shifts. Her husband Ben has put a band together and they're playing in town at the weekend. She was wondering if we wanted to go along."

"Sure, that sounds good. I can't remember the last time I saw a band play."

"Cool. I'll ask her to save us some tickets."

She's humming along to the radio again when I interrupt her.

"You want to hear my Cullen news of the day?" I ask. She sets her knife down and turns to me.

"You took out an injunction?"

I laugh.

"No, but I've only had one text from him today, so that's a definite improvement."

Em hasn't been back to the house, but he's spent the last month texting me. It's getting kind of tiring. "And that wasn't even the news anyway."

"Well I'd call it newsworthy given the amount he's sent every other day. Maybe he's giving up at last."

"Damn, I hope so. He's been driving me crazy; I'm this close to telling my dad." I hold up my hand with the tips of my thumb and index finger just millimeters apart. "Anyway, the real news is that my boss has asked me to cover the re-launch of a tree-surgery business." I take a bottle of wine from the fridge and the opener from the drawer as I talk.

"One of the senior tree-surgeons has taken over the running of it." Alice is listening but I can tell she has no clue where I'm going with this. "The new guy in charge is Edward," I explain.

Alice's mouth drops open.

"You should have refused," she says, when she grasps what I told her.

I shrug and concentrate on pouring the wine.

"It'll be fine," I assure her, "We're both professional people, meeting on a professional basis."

"And you can't freakin' wait," she says. I look up at her and she cocks an eyebrow. She knows me far too well; there's no point denying a thing.

I pick up the two glasses and hand one to her, raising my own to my lips and taking a large drink.

"You're going to get burned, B," she warns.

I try to care, but my stomach is filled with the butterflies that have fluttered there since Mike Newton emailed me the assignment earlier. Try as I might, I can't shake the thrill that washes over me with the anticipation of seeing him again.

"I promise I'm not," I tell her, snaking one hand behind my back and crossing my fingers as I say it. My heart knows that seeing him once and having to walk away again will most definitely singe its edges.

I wonder if some twisted part of my psyche is becoming addicted to the pain of heartache, in the same way some people live for the prick of a tattoo needle on their skin.

Maybe this pain will leave permanent marks on me too.

~RH~


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N - Just an extra mini update :)**

**For anyone who hasn't seen my FB post - today is my 5yr anniversary of posting my first fanfic on ffn!**

**To all of you - those who have read, reviewed, rec'd and otherwise supported me during that time - a huge thank you 3 xxx**

**27**

My stomach has flipped each time I've thought of seeing him again. Now the day is here though, I'm afraid I may have to call in sick thanks to the crippling nausea and lack of anything resembling sleep.

"You look like hell," Alice tells me as she walks into the kitchen from her night-shift. "Why don't you cancel? Go back to bed."

"I'm fine," I insist.

"Have you eaten?"

My face screws up, as my stomach lurches.

"I can't face it."

She turns and stares sternly at me.

"Why are you torturing yourself like this?" she demands. "I'm sure Mike could have found somebody else to cover the story."

"I didn't want to seem unprofessional," I insist, sticking my chin out as her attitude causes me to bristle. I don't blame her for it, I guess; she's spent days trying to gently persuade me to hand the assignment back. I guess she's losing her patience with my bull-headedness.

"You and I both know that's a lie."

"Alice, I intend to go, do my job, and leave."

"You're behaving like an addict right now, Bella. You'll disregard everything that's for your own good, just to get a fix."

There's no way to contest what she says, because I know it's true.

We stare at one another, and eventually her face softens and her shoulders sag.

"Okay, fine," she says. "Go. Do what you have to do. I'll be here when you get home."

~RH~


	28. Chapter 28

**28**

I'm standing beside my car, smoothing my clothes down and trying desperately to channel my professional reporter self, when I hear my name called from across the parking lot.

In the doorway of the single storey building with _Cullen Tree Services & Forest Management_ printed on a sign above the door, is Edward.

It's incredible how much larger the lot feels as I walk across it with his eyes on me, than when I drove in just minutes ago.

"Hey, how are you?" he asks when I get close.

"I'm good, thanks." He leans in and kisses me on the cheek, and I repress the thrill of his lips on my skin. This is how he greets friends, his mother, his grandmother… it holds no kind of significance at all. "You?" I ask. It sounds casual, but I'm dying to know everything that's happened since I saw him last.

He holds the door open for me and I step inside, stealing a glance at his arms in the rolled up sleeves of the light blue button-down shirt he has on.

"Yeah, things are going good here," he says, an excited smile crinkling the corners of his eyes. "Best decision I ever made."

"That's great," I tell him. It's impossible not to be affected by his enthusiasm, and I'm smiling back at him.

Inside the building the smell of fresh paint sits in the air, and the furniture, basic as it is, all looks new. He introduces the receptionist as we pass her, and she smiles as she offers to bring some coffee through.

"It's fine, I've got it," he says, moving across to the coffee pot on the bench behind her and pouring two cups. There's an informal respect between the two of them and I guess that both are good at their jobs.

Edward picks the mugs up and gestures with his head to a doorway off to the side.

"Go ahead," he says.

I walk in, noticing his name on a plaque on the open door. As he follows me, he ignores his desk and sets the mugs down on a coffee table instead. I hover as he goes back to close the door.

"Why do you look so scared?" he asks me with gentle concern when he turns back around.

I feel an embarrassed smile pull at my lips, and cast my eyes down to the ground.

"I guess I didn't know what to expect after the last time I saw you."

"Bella, there was nothing wrong with anything you said or did that day," he assures me. "The timing of everything was… poor. As far as regrets go, that's the only one I have."

I notice his use of _was_. Past tense.

"And now?" I ask, letting him guide me to one of the chairs while he sits down in the other.

"I'm still with Bree."

My heart sinks. I'd thought for a moment… maybe….

"Things are still not great," he continues. "But I'm putting plans into place. It's taking time, but it's the best way to tread. I think so anyway."

"What kind of plans?" I ask, with excruciating curiosity.

"This place, for a start," he says, taking a drink from his cup. "I've been putting in the hours, trying to set everything up and yank it into the twenty-first century. Now we're up and running, everything's so much more efficient that I should be able to do a good proportion of work from home; maybe even cut my hours right back."

I suddenly see exactly what this is all about.

"For Lucy. You're going to try and get custody," I say, a little shocked because I hadn't made a link between his new business venture and his home life at all.

"Not full custody, I think it's important she spends time with her mom. I definitely want her to spend at least half her time with me, though. There's no way I could ever have made that work before I took this place on though. The timing was perfect."

"What about Bree's mom?" I ask. "If she's such a hot-shot lawyer, what makes you think you can pull this off?"

He relaxes back in the chair and his foot moves forward, across the carpet until it's just touching mine. I'm not sure he's even noticed, but I'm painfully aware of every inch of him.

"This isn't about screwing Bree over, it's about making things fair."

"Oh. You've explained all this to Bree, have you?" I ask. "Only I'm not sure she's going to be as good-natured when it comes to you. You know what she's like."

"Of course I do," he says. "Which is why I've also hired a hot-shot lawyer of my own. Just in case."

"Wow." I raise my eyebrows and smile approvingly. "Good for you."

"Thanks," he says.

I'm not sure it's something I can define, but I feel as though he's been holding himself back; maintaining that professional distance I'd been relying on, despite the personal nature of the conversation. Neither of us speaks for a moment, and when he looks at me again I can tell that, almost imperceptibly, the carefully placed facade has slipped a little. His demeanour softens minutely, and hints at his vulnerabilities.

In that moment, he's just Edward again.

"I hated seeing you so unhappy all the time," I confess, my courage bolstered by the sense of familiarity that has settled over me now.

"Yeah, it's been pretty miserable. It's nice to have something to look forward to again. I've missed that feeling."

I nod.

Somewhere outside the room, a telephone rings. Edward blinks, clears his throat and straightens a little, and I remember why I'm here.

"I guess we should get on with the interview," I say, conscious of the ticking clock as I reach for my bag. I have another appointment on the other side of Clallam County straight after this one.

"Yeah."

I'm concentrating on pulling my stuff out when he speaks again.

"Em broke up with Charlotte." He takes me by surprise and my head flies up to look at him. He's watching me intently.

"Oh. Yeah, he popped by to let me know," I say with a small laugh.

"He did? He never mentioned it." He's frowning and he doesn't look particularly happy at what I just told him.

I shrug, glancing at the clock again.

"Okay, I think I'm ready," I tell him. "Let's do this."

~RH~

**A/N - I should have mentioned this before, because it's a great fandom event - theTwiFic Fandom Awards are running again and nominations close today, 11th October. Head over and support your favourites from the fanfic world, there are lots of great categories to choose your faves for! Their blog can be found at twificfandomawards dot BlogSpot and that's a co dot uk address. They also have a Twitter account - at TwiFicFanAwards**

**Have a good weekend :) xx**


	29. Chapter 29

**29**

I know Alice is watching me closely as I go straight to the kitchen and pour myself a glass of wine. I tilt the bottle toward her.

"You want some?"

"No, I'm good, thanks." We both lapse into silence again as I put the bottle back in the fridge and lean back against the counter to take a drink. I've been looking forward to this all the way home. It doesn't disappoint.

"So?" she asks at last. I could tell the waiting was killing her. I may or may not have deliberately dragged my silence out longer than I needed to.

"It went well. I'm pretty sure I got everything I needed."

She raises her eyebrows.

"Everything? Oh, Bella, you didn't?"

I know she's kidding, because she'd be kicking my ass if she really thought I'd gone there.

"Stop! It was very… civil."

"You're okay?"

"Yeah, I think so. I'm not sure what I was expecting but…." I don't finish the sentence, mainly because a lot of the thoughts leaping around my brain are about the situation with Bree, and I don't feel I should be telling anyone - even Alice - what he's planning.

I linger over the memory of our goodbye. A shake of the hand, a thank you. Business-like and exactly what I'd been aiming for when I set out this morning.

And yet I can't help feeling disappointed by it.

I force my thoughts away from it and focus back on Alice.

"This is interesting though," I say, throwing her a tidbit. "He told me Em and Charlotte had broken up. I'm pretty sure he didn't think I knew; he had no idea Em had called round here."

Alice's interest is piqued at this information, as I knew it would be. She's bouncing on the balls of her toes.

"Oh! We need to dissect!"

She marches across the kitchen and pulls the refrigerator open as I watch, confused.

"What are you doing?"

She stops and looks at me as though I'm stupid.

"I'm getting myself a glass of wine to help me think."

I snort.

"You are literally the only person I know who can get away with such a blatantly ridiculous statement."

"Because you know it's true."

"I can think of exceptions. You remember that summer down with those Quileute guys at La Push?"

"No."

She has her back to me as she pours the wine into a glass.

"Sure you do, you were dating that guy…. Shit, what was his name?"

She turns around, glass in hand, and smiles sweetly at me.

"I'm pretty sure that never happened, B."

"Paul! That was it!" I'm pointing at her, waving my hand up and down as the memories come back to me. "He had that creepy friend Jacob, who wouldn't leave me alone."

She lowers her voice and puts her hand on my arm.

"Bella. I spent a lot of time trying to erase that summer from my memory because of the discomfort I feel when I recall my youth and naivety. Now I'm going to pretend this conversation never happened and I ask you, as my friend, to do the same."

I try really hard not to giggle, but it tumbles from my mouth. She whacks me playfully on the arm and smiles.

"I'm not even kidding," she says, dragging me through to the living room. We curl up on the couch, one at either end, facing one another. "So, did you find out if he ended things with Bree yet?"

"I did, and the answer's no." I think of him at home with her now and my stomach twists.

"No? Ugh. Did he mention anything about what happened between the two of you?"

I cast my mind back, trying to think how he worded it.

"Yeah. He said the timing was poor but he has no regrets."

"That's it?"

"Yeah."

There's not really anything else I can give her.

"But he told you about Em, and he thought you didn't know." It's a statement, not a question.

"Yes, and he didn't look too happy when I said Em had been to tell me," I say.

She raises her index finger.

"Which raises two questions. Firstly, why did he tell you about them in the first place? And secondly, why hasn't Em told Edward he's been virtually stalking you?"

"You already have theories, don't you?" I ask, happy to not have to put my own thoughts out there.

"I do." She crosses her legs in front of her and cradles her wine glass in both hands. "I think Edward was testing your reaction; wondering if you still have feelings for Em. Maybe Em told him he wanted you back."

"Why would Em tell him that and not that he'd been to see me?" I ask. "I don't get it."

Alice is still for a moment, sipping her wine as she thinks, before I virtually see a lightbulb flash above her head.

"I know! What if Edward couldn't control his reaction to the news, and clued Em in to the fact he has feelings for you?"

She opens her mouth to add more and I hold up a hand to stop her.

"This is pure speculation. Stop, before you get into the realms of the ridiculous."

An exaggerated pout swells from her mouth. "_You_ should be the one with the career in writing," I add. "All that fantastical stuff flows from your mind far too easily."

"You're no fun," she grumbles.

"Because this is my life you're trying to fabricate!" I say, with a slightly manic laugh.

"It is not fabrication, I'm just trying to fill the gaps."

"With shit you've made up," I accuse.

She tilts her head from side to side.

"Technically, I guess you _could_ say that."

"And I am. So stop now. Let's discuss tomorrow night instead."

"Okay," she concedes, and launches into a full description of what she intends to wear to the concert, leaving me to wonder if she could actually have been right with her theories.

~RH~

**A/N - Thanks for reading!**

**If you're not already following it, you should also check out Sea Salt by SparrowNotes24 - she has such a beautiful way with words :)**

**www dot fanfiction dot net /s/10638075/1/Sea-Salt **

**And in other fandom news, the TwiFic Fandom Award nominations period has been extended until Saturday. Go along and show your fanfic faves some love - there's a category for everyone! :)**

**twificfandomawards at blogspot dot co dot uk and on twitter - at TwiFicFanAwards**


	30. Chapter 30

**30**

I pull open the door to the bar, releasing the deafening music to flood out and wash over us. A guy is manning a table just inside the door, and signals for our tickets; there's no use him speaking, we'd never hear him anyhow. He holds out a stamp and presses it to the back of my hand, leaving a smudged black image of the bar's logo, and then similarly brands Alice.

"Have a good night, ladies," he yells unnecessarily as the song ends. I guess his ears are ringing too.

The place is packed, so we elbow our way through to the front, near the right-hand side of the low stage. It's a relief to see Angela sitting with her friends, exactly where she'd told Alice they'd be.

She squeals when she sees us, standing up and leaning over to hug me. She looks amazing and I tell her as much, a compliment she repays. As we sit down in the chairs she's saved us, she does a quick round of names. Some of the guys I recognize from school or around town, but others are new to me.

Angela sits beside Alice, with Ben on her other side. He's friendly, calling out a hello and thanking us for coming. Jess I remember from school, we were good friends for a while. It looks like she's with Tyler Crowley now, which I never would have predicted back then.

A couple whose names I didn't catch, are next around the table, then a cute blond guy named Riley, who barely looks up. Pete and Garrett - I recognize their faces, but not their names - are next and give us a quick wave before they go back to their conversation. Finally, to my immediate right, is a tall, dark-haired guy called Liam. He offers me his hand.

"Pleased to meet you, Bella." His fingers close around mine, as his eyes sparkle and his mouth pulls back into a big, friendly smile.

"You too," I tell him, smiling back. It's a genuine smile; his happiness is kind of infectious.

Ben's band isn't due onstage yet, and so we talk, laugh and get a little rowdy as a group. Liam's attentive, leaning in and laughing with me. He touches me sometimes when he speaks, and he orders me a drink when he sees mine's getting low.

"Having fun?" Alice asks when Liam leaves the table to help Ben and the guys set up at last.

"Yes," I tell her with a grin. I'm drunk, I realize. But I'm good drunk; just enough to lift my mood and let my inhibitions slide a little.

"Liam's nice, huh?"

"He seems it, yeah."

"He's single."

I raise my eyebrows and look at her pointedly.

"You felt the need to mention that."

She laughs.

"I just thought I'd put it out there. You know, so you had all the facts at your disposal."

"Thanks, I'll bear it in mind." I roll my eyes at her and shake my head.

As I look away, one of the bar servers across the room catches my eye. It takes me a moment to place her, but then I realize why she's familiar. My heart thumps and I feel a little nauseous.

"Are you okay?" Alice asks, twisting her head to try and work out what I'm looking at. I guess I must have been staring.

"That girl over there, the server? That's Charlotte," I tell her.

Alice looks again. She says nothing, but wrinkles her nose as she turns back to me.

"I know," I say. "Edward described her as 'rough around the edges'."

Alice nods.

"I wouldn't normally judge on appearances, but in her case I'll make an exception. She definitely looks it."

"I love you," I tell her with a smile as I grasp her hand.

"I love you too."

The lights dim and I look across at the stage. Ben's speaking into the microphone, thanking everyone for coming along, as Tyler, Riley and Pete stand behind him, ready to play.

"You can't stay there!"

I look up and Liam's grinning down at me. He reaches down for my hand and lifts it right up in the air, until I have no choice but to stand. He twists it, so I have to do a twirl, but I lose my footing and collapse against him. He clamps his hands on my waist to steady me, his apology trickling out amongst giggles as we both laugh.

"Hey!" A hand wraps around Liam's forearm and yanks him round. "Take it easy!" The mystery arm-grabber steps out where I can see him. "Are you okay?" he asks me.

I stare, disbelief rendering me mute until my brain catches up.

~RH~

**DU DU DUUUUUUUUUHHH! ;)**

**Thanks for reading, see you Friday! xx**


	31. Chapter 31

**_Last chapter..._**

_The lights dim and I look across at the stage. Ben's speaking into the microphone, thanking everyone for coming along, as Tyler, Riley and Pete stand behind him, ready to play._

_"You can't stay there!"_

_I look up and Liam's grinning down at me. He reaches down for my hand and lifts it right up in the air, until I have no choice but to stand. He twists it, so I have to do a twirl, but I lose my footing and collapse against him. He clamps his hands on my waist to steady me, his apology trickling out amongst giggles as we both laugh. _

_"__Hey!" A hand wraps around Liam's forearm and yanks him round. "Take it easy!" The mystery arm-grabber steps out where I can see him. "Are you okay?" he asks me. _

_I stare, disbelief rendering me mute until my brain catches up._

**31**

"Hey, man." Liam places a large hand on the front of Em's shoulder and pushes him away. Em turns his attention to Liam with a glare. The tension makes my skin prickle.

"No no no!" I push myself into the decreasing space between their bodies as they commence some serious macho posturing. I place my hands on Em's chest and turn to look at Liam over my shoulder. "It's fine, I got this."

"You know him?"

I give him an apologetic look. "Yeah. I do."

Liam's face changes to one of disapproval as he looks at me. He steps back, and with one last glance at me and Em, he turns away.

"What the hell was that?" I hiss, pushing Em away from my new friends.

"I thought he was bothering you," he says, reaching out to touch me. I place my hand firmly on his arm to stop its advance.

"No. _You're_ bothering me," I say. "Not him."

"Come on, Bella." He's starting to whine.

"Leave. Me. Alone."

I glance up as a figure appears at Em's shoulder. Unexpected, out of place, and enough to make my heart stutter.

Edward.

"Where did you go?" he's asking Em, while he rains fluttering glances down onto me. "I was gone for two minutes and you disappeared."

Frustration twists inside me as the band begin to play.

"Will you please tell your brother to leave me the fuck alone," I yell at Edward, competing with the blaring music .

"Hey, I'm right here," Em shouts, capturing my arm and twisting me so I have to look at him. His fingers are tight; too tight, as they dig into me.

"Ow!" I curl my arms up defensively in front of my body and lean away from him. "You're hurting me! Let me go!" I look desperately to Edward. He's already trying to pull him away from me, but Em's big. Bigger than Edward.

"Em, get off her," he's saying. But Em's paying no attention, his eyes fixed resolutely on mine. They look a little strange and I wonder briefly if he's taken something.

"Bella, I love you! I've said sorry, why won't you give me another chance?"

He's still not loosening his hold, despite Edward's efforts, so I do the only thing I can think of.

I knee him hard in the nuts.

He lets go instantly, bending double and then dropping to his knees as the crowd around us notice something going off and spread out. A burly security guy appears from nowhere and catches hold of me, literally picking me up and carrying me out of there as though I weigh nothing. Looking back at Em, I see Charlotte crouched over him, her arm around his back as she watches me with a sneer.

The security guy pushes through the doors and drops me down onto my feet. I'm breathing heavily as my hearts thumps, pushing a boatload of adrenaline around my body. My face is burning and I'm shaking pretty badly.

"Lady, I suggest you calm the fuck down and go home," he says.

"He had a hold of me, asshole," I yell. "I was trying to get away." I stagger a little as my legs tremble. He looks at me, shakes his head and pushes his way back inside the bar.

I walk to the wall and lean back against it, trying to catch my breath. I've only been there a few moments when the volume of the music suddenly grows then fades again as somebody leaves. I look up, wary of who it might be.

"Hey," I call out, relieved when it's him. He turns.

"Are you okay?" Coming over, he peers down at my bare arm.

"Em's been texting me every day for weeks," I tell him. "He won't leave me alone."

Edward's face darkens, and the muscles in his jaw twitch as he passes his finger over the skin of my arm where it's already beginning to change color. He barely touches me, so it should be painless. And yet it's far from it, as the knowledge I can't have him stabs me painfully in the chest.

I bite down on my lip, forcing back the hard lump of grief that sits in my throat and threatens to choke me. I feel kind of detached from my body as I reach forward and grab hold of him.

My hands are desperate as I pull him in and hold him tight, gripping and gasping. I'm not quite crying, and yet emotion spills freely from me.

It exits through the pressure of my fingers on him, squeezing and releasing and moving and feeling some more. I want to touch him all over; to feel every single inch of him beneath my hands.

It pours from my mouth as I breathe; halting. Then fast, slow, stuttering, flowing. It's heavy and it's shallow. It's silent then loud.

I'm lightheaded, with only my hold on him to keep me grounded.

He groans and pushes me against the wall, his own desires pressing against my body as hard as my fingers do to his. His breathing is every bit as fucked up as my own, too, as he leans in close to my ear, resting his face there as we hold one another desperately. Holding and pushing for more.

But in the end this is all we have, and it's way off, over the line.

I force myself to relax. To loosen my hold and breathe evenly.

He begins to calm too and eventually we're in sync.

"What the fuck was that?" he murmurs, his voice hoarse in my ear. I don't reply because I don't know the answer. He pushes away from me and I straighten up.

He looks dishevelled and I reach up, pushing my fingers through his hair. His eyes briefly drift closed and then open again.

We're standing a couple of feet apart when Alice bursts out of the bar, frantic.

"I just heard what happened! Are you okay?" she asks, throwing her arms around me.

"Take me home, Ali?" I ask, hugging her tightly.

"Of course," she says gently. "Look, I got us a ride."

Jasper's standing behind her, car keys in hand.

I turn to Edward, wondering what happens now; if he's coming with us.

"I need to speak to Em," he says to Jasper. "I'll catch you later."

He looks at me and for a moment I think he's going to speak, but in the end he turns and walks away, back into the bar.

I feel empty.

"Come on, Bella Marie," Alice whispers softly as she takes my hand. "Let's go."

~RH~


	32. Chapter 32

_**Charlotte**_

"_Are you sure you're okay?"_

"_Yeah, I'll be fine. I… ugh." Emmett's voice is strangled as he kneels on the floor. I have to bend low to hear him, as the music from the stage fills the whole place._

_I rub his back gently, trying to offer some comfort to the man I still have feelings for, despite everything he's put me through lately._

_I look up at Edward. He's glaring down at Emmett, but then his eyes turn on me, and they're icy enough to make me shiver. _

_He shakes his head slowly and turns away._

_I stand as he disappears through the crowd and shift up onto my toes to see where he's going._

_He pushes open the front door and leaves._

_I return to Emmett, helping him to his feet and over to the bar. I make sure he has a seat and a drink and then I follow Edward to find out exactly what his problem is._

_I don't know why I'm surprised, but I definitely am. _

_Maybe it's because I never really took Bree seriously when she told me she thought Bella had a thing for Edward. _

_Or maybe it's because they're so blatant about it, right here in the street. _

_Either way, I stand gawking for a good few seconds. They haven't even heard me, they're so wrapped up in one another. _

_He presses her up against the wall and I pull my phone out of my pocket, making sure it's on silent before I snap some photos of them._

_If this doesn't put Emmett off her, I've no idea what will. And I'll be there, of course. A shoulder to cry on, ready to welcome him back and forgive his error of judgement._

~RH~


	33. Chapter 33

**Once again, thanks for all your lovely support, for reading, reviewing, re-tweets, mentions and coming to chat about RH on FB :)**

**The story enters its second part here, and from this point will be told from Edward's point of view.**

**Enjoy! xx**

**Part II - Edward PoV**

**33**

I step back inside the bar and the doors close behind me, sealing me inside its bubble of heat, noise and bodies.

I need a moment.

I left Bella outside, but she's all around me. If I were to close my eyes right now, I know I could feel her fingers on me, detect traces of her scent; memories my body has stored away with the sole intention of driving me crazy.

I don't do it. I've been trying to cut down on the masochistic tendencies lately.

Some of them at least.

Bree will be a bitch tomorrow because she really didn't want me to come out tonight. I pushed against her for once, and a deeply buried, twisted part of me rose to the fore and enjoyed every last second of her misery.

What the fuck have I become?

There have only been two times this past month, that I've felt like myself. The rest of the time - every other ticking minute among the scant few I've spent with Bella - has been an exercise in fooling people.

Having said that, I'm not always unhappy. I'm fully aware that I'm blessed in many ways. I have a daughter I love and a job I enjoy. I have family that is precious to me and great friends. But still, I'm conscious of spending too much time recently feeling like I'm forever pleasing others and never myself.

I see Em a short way away, sitting at the bar.

My ears heard Bella talking about how he's been harassing her, and my eyes watched him hurt her, but it takes until now, as I see him again, for my brain to catch up and process all of this information; for my heart to go from numb, to pumping anger and disgust throughout my body.

The crippling resentment I felt for my brother's idiocy in being stupid enough to cheat on a girl like Bella in the first place, seems slight compared to the way I feel about him now.

I make a move toward him, sliding between bodies and nudging people out of the way. I'm probably ten feet away when I notice Charlotte. She has her hand on his back as she puts her mouth right beside his ear and speaks to him. He pulls his head back and frowns at her, then she lifts her phone and holds it in front of him, showing him whatever it is she has open on the screen.

Em reaches for her wrist and pulls it to move the phone closer to his face. When he turns his head to look at her again, she leans in and says something else to him. Something that makes him wince.

It's as he turns to look away from her, that his eyes track across my face, stopping short with a flash, first of recognition, and then something else. Suspicion, or even anger, maybe. I can't be sure.

I quickly cover the distance between us, and he rises from the stool to his feet as I reach him.

"You were way out of line with Bella," I yell above the music as I jab an accusatory finger at him.

"_I'm _out of line?" He throws in a hoot of laughter that makes him seem a little unhinged. The smile disappears and he's glaring at me, menace emanating out. "So if I'm the one who's out of line, what the fuck were just doing outside with her?"

I guess he must have watched me follow her out.

"I was making sure she was okay after you hurt her arm and got her thrown out, asshole." The memory of the marks on Bella's arm makes the fury inside me boil even hotter.

"Bullshit! How long have you been fucking her, bro? When we were still together?" His eyes are narrowed and his chest heaves as he breathes.

"I… What?"

My heart beat is the loudest thing in the room right now.

I've never fucked Bella, but I know you could probably class what we have done as cheating on some level. It's the thought of the moments we had before Em left her, that stop me in my tracks as his accusation buzzes in the air between us.

I swallow and look away for a split second, and when I look back again, I know he saw me falter and understood it as the subconscious admission of guilt that it ultimately was.

I can't tear myself away from the hate in his eyes, and despite what he did to Bella this evening, the betrayal I've been party to against my own brother, takes the edge off my anger just enough to give him the upper hand.

He holds something up. A cellphone, the screen lit with a photograph - a photograph of Bella and me outside before. Evidence that, despite the fact I know it not to be the case, shows an embrace between two people who definitely look like they're involved in some kind of relationship. Something about the way we're holding one another screams familiarity and intimacy, and whispers that this isn't the first time.

My heart, so sure and loud in my ears, falters for a beat and then rushes on ahead as several things occur to me.

Charlotte was the one who took the photo and that's what she was showing to Em.

Charlotte and Bree are still good friends, even since Em broke it off with Charlotte. If she's willing to show the photo to Em and jeopardize the relationship between brothers, she won't think twice about showing Bree.

My arm shoots out, trying to grab the phone from Em's hand, but he snatches it out of reach, his face contorted into an angry sneer as he leans in, nose to nose with me, his free hand grabbing the front of my shirt.

"You fucking traitorous piece of shit."

"Hey! Big guy! Cool it!"

Hands force us apart as a woman's voice cuts through tension. Em backs off and I take in the tall, angelic-looking blonde with the no-nonsense look on her face.

"Charlotte, get back to work," she snaps at the girl, still hovering on the periphery. She scuttles away without looking back. This woman is clearly in charge.

"Now I have no idea what the fuck's going on here, but it ain't happening in my bar."

Em's staring at me again.

"This is not over, mother-fucker." His voice is slow and deliberate.

"For now it definitely fucking is," the blonde tells him, leaning close and giving him a look that leaves no doubt she means what she says. "Now behave or get out."

I make my choice and say nothing as I turn to leave, the fight leaching away from me with every step I put between us.

The void it leaves behind slowly fills with misery, because I know for certain that my brother and his despicable ex-girlfriend are about to hand Bree the means to rip my heart from my chest.

~RH~


	34. Chapter 34

**34**

I'm too wrapped up in the turmoil inside my head to notice my surroundings, so when I eventually look up and find myself already on my own street, I'm surprised and dismayed I managed to make it here so quickly. I haven't thought up a single feasible story that will make the photo appear anything less than incriminating if Em and Charlotte do show it to Bree.

A sense of foreboding crawls over me when I find the door's locked, because even when I try to open it with my key, it won't give.

She's bolted it.

I pull out my phone and dial Bree's cell. She doesn't answer and eventually it goes to voicemail. Once, twice more the same. Finally I try and this time the ringing stops. She's picked up, but she doesn't speak.

"Bree? Open the door."

"No."

I can hear the venom in her voice, leaching through.

"Please. Open the door."

"I don't want to see you, Edward."

"Well I need to see you."

"I have nothing to say."

"Then at least listen to what _I_ have to say."

"You must think I'm stupid. Shit, even _I _think I'm stupid! I knew she wanted you, I could tell every time she was here in my fucking house! You though? I never thought you'd sink that low. All the shit you said about Em when he cheated on her and all along the two of you…" I hear the tears starting.

I consider that I probably couldn't feel any worse about myself right now, even if I had been having a full-blown affair with Bella.

"Bree, I haven't cheated on you," I insist.

"Don't you dare lie to me," she growls. "I've seen the fucking picture, so do _not_ lie."

"I know how it looks-"

"Then stop, because you're making this so much worse."

"I haven't been having an affair!" Anger grows from my frustration and spills out in my voice.

"You were _so desperate_ to go out tonight, and you expect me to believe it's just coincidence that she was there?"

"You can ask Jasper," I tell her. I almost say Em, but then I remember how things are between us. "Please let me in."

"No. Go to your mom's."

"How can I go to my mom's with Em there?" I ask.

"What the hell has that got to do with anything?" she asks.

And then I know.

The picture came from Charlotte.

"Please don't keep Lucy from me," I whisper, a spear of panic stabbing painfully at me.

My phone bleeps and I realize she's ended the call.

~RH~

"Jas, where are you?"

"I'm still with Bella and Alice at their place, why?"

"Shit. I'm at your place. Are you coming home soon?"

"Sorry, man, I've been drinking. I was gonna crash on the couch. Do you want to come...ah." He seems to think better of what he was about to suggest. "Actually, maybe not, huh?"

"You have no idea," I tell him.

"Wait, why aren't you at home?"

"Everything's gone to shit, J. I can't…" My throat closes up and I can't speak as I gasp for breath. When an acute pain starts in my chest, I worry I'm having a cardiac arrest, until the blockage in my throat suddenly opens up and I manage to pull a loud, rush of air into my burning lungs. A deep groan escapes as I breathe out again and a shroud of misery drapes itself all around me.

I can hear Jasper talking to me, but I can't concentrate on what he says, and eventually the phone drops out of my hand and to the ground.

I'm still rocking, my arms wrapped around my legs and my face buried in my now-wet knees when I hear a car stop at the curb.

I lift my head and squint blindly, as a door slams closed and footsteps approach.

The car pulls away again and I realize it was a cab, as someone walks up the steps beside me and carries on past, unlocking and opening the door and clicking the light on.

"Hey, let's get you inside," Bella says as she links her hands under one of my arms and helps me scramble to my feet.

"Where's Jasper?" I ask, my voice hoarse.

"He's at mine. I persuaded him to let me come."

"Why?"

She leads me through the front door and closes it behind us as she reaches up and wipes at my face with her sleeve.

"Because I care about you," she says.

I place my hand on her wrist to stop her.

"Bella, I'm not sure right now…"

"I know what happened. Bree called Jasper."

"Lucy-"

My voice cracks and Bella pulls me close.

"Shhhh," she soothes. "We'll work something out. I promise."

And somehow as she calms me with her words and touch, I believe her.

~RH~


	35. Chapter 35

**35**

"Stay with me." I whisper the words, but the desperation manages to seep through, despite the lack of volume.

She searches my face, finishing with my eyes, and I steadily hold her gaze. Finally she nods.

Her hand is warm as I find it and take hold, squeezing it as the sudden fear that she might run, cuts through me. "Thank you."

She takes a step back toward the stairs, tugging me gently forward. My feet move and she smiles as she turns and climbs the first step, still holding onto me with one hand.

When she pauses at the top, I remember she's never been here before. This time I lead _her_, pulling her into Jasper's spare bedroom and pushing the door closed behind us, both pausing as our eyes adjust to the sudden semi-darkness.

Bella lets go of me and I follow her lead as she sits at the end of the bed to remove her shoes. When I'm done, I scoot back, until I'm lying with my head on the pillow.

"You can't sleep in your jeans." She's a grainy silhouette in the darkness, but her voice is clear. "And I want you to know I'm saying this for no other reason than concern for your comfort. Why don't you take them off?" I can hear the smirk in her voice, and I pause, watching as she slides her own jeans down her legs and pulls her sweater over her head.

I hate the situation we're in; hate it had to come to this for me to watch her undress, ready to climb into bed with me. I _really _hate that I can't savor every moment and not feel guilty about the thump of my heart, rich with anticipation in my chest at the thought of her lying beside me.

I reach down and unfasten my jeans, lifting myself off the bed to push them down and kicking them off my legs, onto the floor. Bella is tugging at the top of the duvet, trying to pull it back enough to climb under and hinting at me to move off it. I shift back and bend my knees up until I can slide between the layers of cool cotton.

We pull the covers over us, and Bella moves around for a moment before eventually stilling.

Both of us are silent, and then I feel her hand on my arm.

"I'm sorry" she says softly.

"Please tell me you're sympathizing and not apologizing."

I hear her sigh.

"I feel responsible. If I hadn't grabbed hold of you…"

I roll over, lying on my side and reaching out to stroke her hair where it falls over her shoulder.

"Then I probably would have grabbed hold of you," I tell her. "We were a time bomb waiting to explode."

"We?"

I'd meant me and her, but I guess the analogy fit just as well with things between Bree and me.

"Us," I clarify.

"Maybe you can talk Bree round. Between all of us couldn't we convince her it was something else? Get her to take you back?" I can hear in her voice just how much she actually hates the idea.

"I don't want her back," I tell her with certainty.

"For Lucy, I mean…"

My stomach turns.

"Please, not now. I can't…"

I'm grateful for the darkness as I squeeze my eyes closed and feel moisture gather. The deep breath I take in betrays the anonymity though, shaking audibly as I release it. Bella says nothing, but she moves closer, tucking herself close to me with her forehead on mine.

I reach out and place my hand innocently on her waist at the hem of her t-shirt, my pinkie finger landing on smooth, soft skin. The rest of me is perfectly still, eyes closed and nose breathing her in, as that one finger gently keeps contact, skin on skin.

"This is crazy," she says, her voice scarcely audible. "I should leave."

I hardly think the action through as I move my head so my lips skim hers.

"Don't leave."

I kiss her again, softly and slowly. "Please."

"Edward..."

I touch my mouth to hers once more, still barely there. As she lets out a whimper, I can almost hear her surrender in the sound as she takes the bait, pressing her lips against mine.

I wave my own white flag then, meeting her pace, her pressure, her dedication, head on.

Her leg nudges its way between mine, the other resting on top of my thigh. We're intertwined, as her hands slide beneath my tee-shirt and my body reacts to her touch, my hips jerk forward so I'm pressed against her. She feels me there and pushes back until we both gasp loudly.

I want desperately to touch her; to feel her beneath my hands. I want to explore her and to know her completely.

I want her to know me.

I'm greedy and singleminded now; fuelled by emotion and the amount of time I've wanted her. Something in my conscience has changed, like a switch flicking, and I know that on some level I've granted myself permission to do this without feeling the weight of betrayal.

For the first time in months, my body and heart are in sync.

Bella untangles herself and pushes away from me, rising to her knees. I catch hold of her waist with two hands, but she's not trying to escape, only peeling off her tee-shirt and bra. I lean forward and bring my mouth to her stomach, savouring the sounds that drift from her mouth as I draw damp trails on her skin with my tongue, stopping occasionally to suck the soft skin as I pass over it.

Stretching her leg over my body, she slides across so she's straddling me. She leans toward me, forcing my mouth higher on her body and arching her back beneath my fingers.

Our gasping breaths are loud in the darkness, and I let out a groan as she suddenly pushes me back down, hard, and shifts back onto my thighs.

"Take this off," she pants, pulling at the bottom of my tee-shirt and trying to move it up my body. I lift my back off the bed as best I can, yanking the fabric up and off. It catches on one arm and Bella leans in to kiss me again before I can untangle it. I wrap my arms around her, trailing it with me, until it distracts me enough to shake my arm until it finally flies free.

"What are you doing?" she asks, breaking away from my mouth for a moment.

"You're too impatient," I tease. "I still had my shirt half on."

She sits back to run her hands down my body and my hips automatically push up, drawing a moan from her. I curse loudly when she moves slightly, pressing herself down onto me in response.

Her fingers edge into the waistband of my boxers and I lift myself up as she takes her weight off me and backs down the bed, pulling them with her. She kisses her way back up my legs, stopping to tease for a while before she finally wraps her mouth around me.

She's incredible, and as tempting as it is to remain silent, I eventually plead with her to stop.

Bella crawls up my body, hovering above me. She suspects nothing and so lets out a squeal when I reach up to grab her and flip us over so I'm on top of her now, lying between her legs.

"I want you so fucking much," I whisper in her ear, kissing her neck.

"I want you too," she breathes, wrapping her legs around mine and pushing her hips up so only her underwear separates us.

Overcome with the urge to touch her, I reach down, my fingers finding their way between our bodies; slipping beneath the cotton and lace, and onto the silk of her skin. I take my time and savor her reactions as I explore things about her that I've never known before.

Desperation soon begins to blanket everything; our movements, our sounds and my thoughts.

I move back and grasp hold of her panties, pulling them off.

"Wait!" she blurts out. "I'm not on any birth control. Do you have anything with you?"

I freeze, hovering above her.

"Shit." I sigh. "No, nothing."

She whimpers and I know exactly how she feels.

I climb off her and lay beside her.

"Hey, where are you going?" she complains. I can almost hear her pouting. She moves close and slides her hand across my chest, then down. Her fingers feel amazing as she wraps them around me. "We'll just have to think of alternative solutions," she says, and kisses me sweetly on the lips.

~RH~


	36. Chapter 36

**36**

I wake up because I'm too warm. The covers are tangled, cocooning me so I can barely move, and I have a death grip on Bella, our skin damp with sweat where we touch.

The sun's up despite the early hour, and when I lift my head to look at her, I see she's already wide awake.

"Hey." My voice is gruff.

"Hi."

She doesn't look at me, and I can hear the detachment in her voice. It's enough to burst my bubble of denial and I tumble to the ground, hitting my ass on every rock in my life; Bree, Lucy, Em, and now possibly Bella. I come to rest in a puddle of worry, sitting there until I can't stand it any longer.

"Are you okay?" The panic that has balled up tightly inside me, shoots tendrils out, winding around my voice and strangling it a little. I swallow, trying to get rid of the ones that creep up my throat to choke me.

She says nothing. I unwind myself from her and push up so I'm resting on my arm, looking down on her.

"_You_ came to _me_," I remind her. "Don't do this now, it isn't fair."

She turns her head slowly and her sad brown eyes come to rest on me.

"I'm trying to work out what happens now, and I can't come up with a single positive way out of this," she whispers. "I don't even know what you want."

She begins to turn her head away again, and I reach out, bringing her gently back to look at me.

"I want Lucy, and I want _you," _I tell her. "That's all."

"That's all? There's no way." Her eyes fill with tears. "They won't let us be together, you know that as well as I do. Em…" She shakes her head, pausing as she wipes at her eyes. "You can't choose me over him, he's your brother, Edward. Your _family_."

Anger jabs sharply at me at the mention of his name.

"I'd choose you every time," I tell her. "Everything that's brought us here has been because of him. It's not all our fault."

Bella sits up, holding the duvet to her chest. My eyes roam down, absorbing the way her mussed-up hair drifts down her back in waves, her waist dips in and her hips flare gently and perfectly out. Her creamy skin looks luminescent in the soft morning light, shadows following her contours, and I can't resist touching her, running my fingers down her back.

Shivering, she looks back at me over her shoulder. I freeze, committing the image to memory. This - the way she looks right now- takes my breath away.

I don't say the words that come to me in that moment, pushing them down and trying to smother them.

"What?" she asks. I swallow before I can manage to speak.

"Nothing," I murmur. "You just look…" I sigh. She's turned my brain to mush. Reaching forward, I take hold of her and pull her back down to me, half expecting her to resist.

She yields completely and nestles in, holding onto me too. To want and be wanted like this is foreign and intoxicating.

"How long do you think we have like this?" she asks.

"Not long enough." I hold her tighter for a moment.

"I keep thinking I'll wake up soon."

"You wish."

She pulls her head back so she can see me.

"You think?" she asks. I raise my eyebrows in question and she shakes her head. I get where she's coming from, but I wish I could protect her.

"A part of me is glad this happened," I confess. "Not the hurt, I hate that, but the part that lets us be together." I run my index finger down her neck, over her collarbone and pause on her breast, tracing patterns on the skin above her heart. "It nearly killed me to let you leave with Alice and Jas. I'm not sure I could've stayed away from you after last night."

She's looking down at my finger, moving across her skin. I lift it, crooking it beneath her chin so she has to look at me. "I can't go back now." I tell her. "I need to stay on this side of the line we crossed."

"You have so much to lose," she says, her face pained.

"Whatever happens with Lucy is inevitable now, no matter what. Bree has that photograph; what's done is done. As far as everything else goes, I think you're worth it."

She grimaces.

"What if I'm not? You'll wind up hating me."

"I could never hate you," I tell her, running my thumb across her bottom lip and watching her eyelids flicker for a fraction of a second.

She opens her mouth a little wider and breathes in deeply, filling her lungs and making her chest swell. Reaching up she winds her fingers in my hair and pulls my face closer to hers.

"Promise me," she says, looking between my lips and my eyes.

"I promise."

~RH~


	37. Chapter 37

**37**

We're in the kitchen drinking coffee when someone knocks at the door. Bella and I cast nervous glances at one another as I rise to see who it is.

I open the door, peering around it like a fugitive and feeling myself relax when I see who it is.

"Hey, man," Jasper says.

"Hey."

I stand back, pulling it wide enough for him and Alice to enter.

"Is this yours? It was on the ground outside." Alice holds my phone out to me and I take it from her. I check it's still working, and the screen lights up with missed calls and messages, but the battery's low and I'm guessing it will die completely at any minute.

"Thanks," I tell her, shoving it into my pocket. She reaches out and rubs my arm, a small smile of solidarity on her lips as she follows Jasper through to the kitchen.

"You okay?" she asks Bella, leaning over and kissing the top of her head.

"Yeah." Bella smiles up at her friend as she takes a seat beside her.

The atmosphere is strange and I'm a little weirded out.

"Nobody died, guys. You can relax," I tell them, sitting back down as Jas pours two more mugs of coffee.

"Ugh." Alice slumps back in her seat. "This whole situation is driving me crazy. Do you know who sent Bree the photo?"

"I'm pretty sure it was Charlotte," I tell her. "Bree didn't seem to know that Em knew."

I notice Alice watching Bella closely, so her next question doesn't really surprise me.

"So what happens now?" she asks me. Her tone is hard and she sticks her chin out. I get what's she's telling me: fuck with her friend and live to regret it.

"Alice!" Bella looks at her friend in shock, but Alice shrugs unapologetically.

"I'm not going back to Bree, if that's what you're wondering," I tell her. "I was working through a plan to leave her anyway, I was just hoping to get a few more pieces into place before I did it. For Lucy."

Alice nods, it seems she's satisfied, for now at least.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I'm just looking out for my friend."

"Well you don't have to worry, because I am too." I reach across and take Bella's hand.

My phone rings in my pocket, the battery finally giving out as I pull it out and watch it plunge into lifelessness before I can see who was calling.

"Can I borrow your charger?" I ask Jasper, aware of three sets of eyes watching me.

"Sure, I'll go get it," he says.

"Soooo?" Bella whispers to Alice as soon as he leaves. Alice smiles widely, but says nothing. Bella laughs, deep and dirty, an infectious sound that makes me smirk and Alice slap her on the arm.

"Stop!" Alice scolds her, but then the smile creeps back and Bella laughs again.

Alice looks up guiltily as Jasper walks back in and puts the charger down in front of me.

"Thanks, man."

I plug it in, resting it on the counter.

Bella's phone starts ringing as I turn back around. She looks at the screen and her face distorts into a disgusted expression as she puts it down on the table. The screen is lit up and it's still ringing as she looks up at me.

"Em," she says.

"You haven't done anything wrong," I tell her, wishing she'd believe me.

Bella's attention is still on me, so she only notices Alice snatching up her phone when it's too late.

"Hello?"

She says nothing more, but I guess Em does because she's listening intently.

"This isn't Bella. She doesn't want to talk to you." She pauses again, listening.

"Well I'll let her know. And, Emmett? If you call her again she's not only letting her dad know you've been harassing her, she's showing him the bruise on her arm from last night, Okay? Bye."

She ends the call and places the phone down carefully as we look on.

"He's prepared to forgive you," she says. Bella's eyebrows shoot up and disbelieving laugh bursts from her mouth.

"Well, that's...incredibly good of him," she says, shaking her head. "The sense of relief is overwhelming."

I try to smile, but annoyance at my brother's attitude and behavior cuts through me.

"He's a fucking asshole," I say.

"He's a fucking asshole who's also willing to take her back," Alice adds. "He says to call him when you see sense, B."

My muscles tense and I begin to pace. Bella appears in front of me, her hand on my chest as she looks right at me.

"Stop. It's never going to happen, I already saw sense."

"I don't care if he's my brother, I'll-"

"Do nothing," she interrupts. "Think of Lucy. An assault charge isn't going to help your cause."

I breathe deeply, trying to overcome the sudden ache that cripples me.

"I should go to my place. Grab some stuff…" The words sound strange; _my place_.

"You're welcome to stay here," Jasper says. "There's plenty of room. Stay until you've found somewhere else, or move in permanently. I don't mind."

"Thanks." I look around the room, grateful for everyone else in it. I can't imagine how much worse it would be, going through this alone.

My phone chimes to life and a message comes straight through. I go over and take a look.

My mom, worrying and wanting me to call her. I text back.

_**I'm fine. Call you later, I promise x**_

I ignore my unread messages and text Bree too.

_**Staying at Jasper's, coming over to get some stuff and see Lucy. Be there in 30mins.**_

"Will you be okay?"

Bella's at my side, her head resting against my arm.

"Yeah, I'm fine. We're going to be fine." I reach round and stroke her face, revelling in the freedom I have to do this openly now.

"I'm going to go home. Will I see you later?" she asks. It takes no consideration.

"Yeah, definitely," I tell her. "The thought of it is what's going to get me through today."

"Me too," she whispers, and reaches up to kiss me.

~RH~


	38. Chapter 38

**38**

Unlike the last time I tried to get in, the door isn't bolted any more. When I try my key in the lock this time, it swings open. I hang my jacket up and wander through to the living room.

"Oh, hi." I'm not expecting to see Bree's sister, Victoria on the couch, holding Lucy. She looks at me, but where I was expecting out and out hostility, she emits a kind of wariness instead.

"Hi," she says, not resisting when I pluck Lucy from her arms.

"Hey, baby girl," I coo, kissing Lucy's soft cheek and breathing her in. She smiles at me and my heart swells.

"Bree's upstairs," Victoria tells me, picking up a magazine and beginning to flick through it.

"I'm sure she heard me come in." I'm eager to grab a little time with Lucy before everything inevitably takes a downturn. I grab one of Lucy's toys and sit in an armchair with her, dangling it where she can see it. "You're not mad at me?" I ask Victoria when she looks up and throws a small barely-there smile in our direction.

"Have you been having an affair?" she asks me. I know her pretty well, and so her forthrightness doesn't particularly shock me.

"No," I reply.

"Yeah, I figured," she says, shrugging her shoulders. "When would you have had the time? A quick heads-up though; Bree convinced herself you did. I think you're wasting your time trying to persuade her otherwise."

"I'm not even going to try," I confess. Her head shoots up and she looks at me in surprise.

"Wow," she says. I have no idea what that even means.

We sit for around ten minutes, exchanging occasional small talk, as though it's a normal day. For the moment I'm happy to pretend it is. Eventually the sound of footsteps on the stairs causes us to cast a loaded glance at one another, and I turn toward the door, waiting.

"Hi," I say to Bree when she appears.

"You came crawling back then?" she sneers. Victoria pushes off the couch and excuses herself, pulling the living room door closed behind her. I envy her the ability to walk out right now.

"No," I tell her, looking back to Lucy. "I came to see Luce and to collect some stuff. Jasper said I can stay with him."

"Really? I thought you'd be straight round to the slut's," she says.

I fight to maintain my calm.

"I'm going to say this once, Bree, that's all. Choose to believe me or not, I don't even care. I haven't been having an affair, not with Bella, and not with anyone else. And don't even think about calling her a slut again, she's been through enough with my idiot brother."

She bristles as I defend Bella, her arms folded in front of her chest.

"Yeah, well, you don't need to stay at Jasper's. We're going to my mom's."

I don't know how I didn't see it coming, but I definitely didn't, and I freeze as I process the information.

"Mercer Island?"

"Yes."

I want to shout; to curse loudly, but Lucy still nestles in my arms.

"You're doing it to spite me," I accuse. "You hate it there. You hate the people and the place and half the time you hate your mom. Did you conveniently forget that, just because it makes life more difficult for me?"

"You think this is all about you?" she asks. I laugh.

"Well there's a first time for everything," I say.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Her hands are on her hips and she tosses her head. She looks ridiculous and I wonder how the feistiness that attracted me to her in the first place, became so unappealing.

"It means that you are the most self-centered, selfish person I know. I'd rather walk barefoot to Mercer Island to see Lucy, than spend another minute living with you."

"You bastard. After everything you've been doing..."

Lucy begins to squirm and I stand to rock her.

"You gave me nothing, Bree. You withdrew everything that was holding this relationship together; every bit of affection, gone."

She huffs.

"Oh, I might have known it was about your dick. Why can't men live without sex?"

"I'm not talking about sex; I haven't had sex in almost a year, so don't try telling me I can't live without it."

Bella flits into my head as I say the words that are verging on an untruth.

"You're a liar," she spits.

"I'm not getting into an argument about this with you; like I said, I don't care if you don't believe me."

Her eyes narrow and I know she's getting frustrated at not getting the reactions she wants.

"Well all I'll say is, you'd better get yourself a good lawyer, Cullen."

I look directly at her.

"I already have one."

Her face draws itself into a pattern of confusion.

"On a Sunday? I sincerely doubt it," she scoffs, shaking her head as though I'm an idiot.

"Did I say I hired him today?" I ask.

"I'm your fiancée, I think I'd know if you hired a lawyer," she says.

I remain silent. I've revealed enough to leave her with questions she doesn't have the answers to. A calmness has descended over me, because for once I know I have the upper hand.

"I'll spend some time with Lucy while you pack," I tell her. The thought of her taking Lucy three and a half hours drive away makes me feel nauseous, but I know that letting her go without a fight is the best thing for now. When she's gone I'll work my ass off to negotiate some fair terms for access and custody. This is temporary, I tell myself. Bree won't last on Mercer Island, there's no way.

~RH~


	39. Chapter 39

**39**

I'm determined not to mope, so as soon as Bree's car is out of sight, I call my mom.

"Oh, honey, what on earth's going on?" she asks. Her voice is soft and comforting. There's no accusation and no disappointment, just a palpable need to understand.

"It's messy, Mom. I want to tell you, but I can't see Em." I used to think I knew my brother well enough to anticipate his every move, but these days he's pretty much a stranger; an unquantifiable force. "Could you meet me somewhere?"

"Of course. Where were you thinking?"

"How about the Three Rivers in an hour?"

"Okay, sweetheart. I'll see you then."

I end the call, grab a shower and change my clothes, all while trying to keep thinking down to a minimum. The minute I'm ready, I leave the house.

Despite the fact I've tried to take my time, I'm still sitting down inside the restaurant with a coffee, twenty five minutes before my Mom's due to arrive.

She's ten minutes early as usual. I guess she knows me too well, because her eyes automatically scan the room the moment she walks through the door. She's as well-presented as ever, but she looks older. I wonder if that's because of the trouble her sons are causing her, or if I've just not been paying attention lately.

She sees me and a small smile pulls at her mouth, although not quite enough to look genuine. I rise from my seat as she approaches; kiss her and let myself be hugged before I ask what I can get her.

"I'll get it," she says, pulling her wallet from her purse. "Have you eaten?" Her eyes scan over my face and I can tell she's looking for signs that I've not been looking after myself properly.

"No," I say. In truth my appetite had deserted me, but since I've been sitting here, smelling the food being prepared, it's slowly coming back. "Could you get me a Bogie Burger? With cheese." I glance at the table next to me. "And a side of curly fries."

She smiles in satisfaction.

When she sits back down, I know I can't get away with it any longer.

"Did Emmett talk to you?" I ask.

"Yes."

"And?"

"He said you've been having an affair with Bella. And that Charlotte took a photograph of the two of you together last night."

I'm not surprised. It's pretty much what I expected him to have said.

She takes a sip of her iced tea as she waits for me to respond.

"Bella and I haven't been having an affair," I tell her.

"Honey, you can tell me the truth, I promise I won't judge either of you." She reaches out and places her hand around mine on the table. I'm still as I look at her.

"You know, that really sounded as though you don't believe me," I say with a small laugh, a little taken aback.

"I can understand that maybe you don't feel able to be honest with me about this, but I remember your father's birthday. I thought then there was something between the two of you; that I'd interrupted something."

I remember it feeling that way too.

I let out a sigh.

"Nothing had happened at Dad's birthday, but I did kiss her after that. A couple of times," I tell her. "We knew it was wrong. We were trying to stay away from each other. I hadn't seen her in a couple of months until last night. Em saw her with a guy in the bar and went over. She told him to leave her alone but he caught hold of her arm. He was hurting her and we were both trying to get him off, but he wouldn't let go. In the end she slammed her knee between his legs. Security saw her and threw her out and I went to make sure she was okay."

I glance up at my mom. She's listening, brow wrinkled in concentration and concern. "She wasn't okay," I continue. "She told me he's been harassing her; calling and texting, trying to get her back. We were...hugging I guess, when Charlotte sneaked up on us and took the photo. By the time I got home, Bree had seen it and locked me out. I stayed at Jasper's last night and went home this morning. Bree was home, but she's taken Lucy to her mom's in Seattle now."

"Oh, Edward." Her eyes mist over and I actually feel guilty for the first time. "I feel like I'm missing a slice of the story here," my mom says. "What about you and Bree?"

"There's no 'me and Bree'. I can't live with her any more, Mom. She's been gradually grinding me down for months now. What kind of person does that to someone they're supposed to love?"

The girl behind the counter calls my food order, and I leave my mom to process everything while I collect it.

"I'm so sorry," she says when I sit down again. "I could see you were struggling but I didn't even ask if you needed anything. I just assumed you'd ask if you wanted help."

"Please don't feel bad," I urge her. "There's nothing you could have done. You know what Bree's like."

"I could have listened," she says.

We both fall into silence as I eat.

"What's going to happen with Lucy?" she asks at last. I finish my food and push the tray away.

"I was going to leave Bree anyway," I confess. I wait a moment for it to sink in. "I took over at work so I could manage my hours in the future. I hired a lawyer a while back to put everything in place to make sure I could get joint custody of Lucy and I've been keeping a diary for weeks, in case I needed it. I have everything logged. I'll be calling him in the morning and bringing everything forward."

~RH~


	40. Chapter 40

**40**

"What are you doing?" I ask as soon as she answers her phone. Through the car window I watch my mom pull away from the parking lot, returning the wave she gives me.

"Are you stalking me now too? What is it with you Cullen men?" Her tone is light and I smile.

"I just wanted to hear your voice," I tell her. Apparently I have a soppy side I never knew about.

"How's your day going?" she asks, the lightness evaporating.

"It's been a little rough," I admit. "Bree's taken Lucy to her mom's in Seattle."

"Shit. Are you okay?"

"Kind of. It's temporary, right?"

"Completely. You can call your lawyer first thing in the morning and get things moving."

I pause, thinking that this feels like the calm before the storm. Tomorrow the fight starts and I'm grateful not to be facing it completely alone.

"Thank you," I say.

"For what?"

"I don't know. Everything? For not running away."

"You can't run away from your heart. It has a habit of aching until you listen." She says it quietly and I soak the words up, amazed at how easily feelings grow when you loosen your hold and let them.

"Can I see you?" I ask, mocking myself internally for thinking that hearing her voice would be enough.

"Sure. I'm at home, come on over."

"I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Okay."

~RH~

"Hi." I'm feeling suddenly shy and I have no idea why. I wonder if it's the sudden weight of expectation, where before last night there was none.

Bella stands back and lets me in. It's the first time I've been here since Em moved out and it feels a little weird. Still, there's no sign of him here; everything of his is long gone.

Everything but my memories.

I follow her through to the living room and she gestures for me to sit on the couch. I wasn't expecting her to lower herself onto my lap, but it's not unwelcome. She snuggles into my neck and I wrap my arms around her, savoring the feel of her body.

The radio is playing in the kitchen, the sound of the music drifting through to us as we sit, enveloped in a comfortable silence.

"I saw my mom," I tell her eventually. She raises her head and looks at me, sliding off my legs and onto the couch at my side. I hold onto her feet, keeping them in my lap to try and avoid losing contact with her completely.

"How did it go?" She looks worried. I know she loves my mom, and she'd hate the thought of upsetting her.

"Okay. Better than I expected. She wasn't surprised about us; remember my dad's birthday?"

"Yeah." Bella looks down. "She figured something was going on then, didn't she?"

"Yeah."

"I knew it. I could tell."

"That's why she didn't believe me when I told her we weren't having an affair."

Her head whips up and looks at me.

"She didn't believe you?" She looks panic-stricken and I reach out for her hand.

"She does now, I explained. It's fine. You have nothing to worry about, she's always liked you"

"I feel like a home-wrecker."

Anger ignites inside me.

"Hey. Look at me," I demand. Her eyes slide slowly up until they find mine. "I never want to hear you say that again. There's only one person who wrecked things between me and Bree and that wasn't you, okay? You don't blame yourself, ever."

She's quiet and her eyes slip again. "Promise me," I say, tugging on her hand.

"Sure," she murmurs. I link my fingers with hers.

"I was leaving her anyway, I told you that when you came to the office to interview me, didn't I?"

"Yeah. You did." Bella lets out a sigh and looks up at me.

"Come back here," I say, pulling on her until she relents and climbs back onto me. She kisses me before I get chance to lean in first. She tastes of sweetness and perfection, and I wonder what twisted idea destiny was having when it threw me together with Bree and her with Em. I cut off the train of thought when I realize the alternative would have meant no Lucy. Maybe destiny didn't fuck up completely after all.

"Guess where I went earlier?" she whispers, her lips touching my neck.

I try to say that I have no idea, but her tongue is stroking some place that clearly controls my ability to speak, and all I manage is a moan.

"The drugstore," she reveals. I freeze and so does she, leaning back and searching my face.

"I'm sorry," she says, and I can tell she's second guessing, thinking she's got it all wrong. "Should I not have…? I thought…."

"No! No, you definitely thought right. I mean, that's not why I stopped. It was only because if I don't stop now, then I really won't want to."

She looks at me and I sense trouble of the best kind. She raises an eyebrow.

"Did I do something to give you the impression I wanted you to stop?"

I grin and she smirks.

"No, I guess not," I admit.

She brings her mouth close to mine.

"Then why the fuck have you?"

~RH~


	41. Chapter 41

**41**

Sex with Bella blows my mind. It's perfect and unexpected in the way my heart overshadows everything. Each movement is fuelled by emotion as much as lust, and my heart beats with more vitality and purpose than it ever has before. It's way more than I was expecting, and as we lie in each other's arms, slowly drifting back down to earth, I feel almost drunk with exhilaration.

We're still exchanging kisses long after our pulses have slowed back to a normal rhythm, as my head struggles to come to terms with the discovery that there is a level even higher than plain old 'good sex'.

"You're amazing," I tell her.

"So are you," she replies with a lazy smile.

"It must be a joint effort, because I'm pretty sure I've never been _that _amazing before," I say teasingly as I relive every last detail in my head about the way she came around me. I savor the memory of how it felt as she squeezed me hard, throwing back her head and grinding her hips greedily against me as she gasped and cried out. I'll admit I'm feeling pretty amazing right now.

Bella rolls onto me, lying along the full length of my body, and kisses me again, deep and slow, with more than a hint of dirty. My hands move to her hips, my fingers digging into the soft flesh there as I feel myself growing hard against her again. She makes a sound as though I just hand-fed her the best fucking chocolate in the world, and circles her hips, pushing her body firmly against mine.

"You're a bad, bad girl," I scold, nipping her bottom lip between my teeth and earning a sharp intake of breath from her. She places her hands either side of my head and leans forward as she parts her knees, and then sits back so she's straddling my thighs. My hips jerk, desperate for her to come closer to where I need her, and she places her hands over my hip bones to try and still me. It makes me want her more, and as I reach out and grab the foil packet from the nightstand, I all but throw it at her.

Bella never takes her eyes from mine as she rips the foil open and takes the condom in her hand to place it on me and roll it down.

"I can do that with my mouth," she says, leaning in close to my face. "But I hate the taste. Maybe next time." She kisses me again as she takes me in her hand and guides me inside her with a heady moan.

This time is even better than the last, the urgent need to know each other replaced by the sensual desire to explore and savor.

She's satisfyingly confident, as happy to touch herself, as to guide me where to touch. Either's good with me; I find both options fucking hot.

We take our time, both happy to discover and be discovered, and this time we finish in absolute synchronicity, her first tightenings and the promise of seeing her letting go again, are all I need to join her.

As soon as I can think again, I mentally add our sexual compatibility to the growing list of reasons why I think she's incredible.

"Can we stay here forever?" I ask pulling her close to me and curling around her back. I kiss her neck and she giggles, delicious and sweet.

"Yeah, why not. It's not as though we have responsibilities, or bills to pay, right."

"I'm going to pretend for a while longer," I say, smiling against her skin.

"Sounds good." Her voice is heavy and I suspect she's close to sleep. I pull the covers up around us and let myself drift away too.

~RH~

"You're so pretty when you sleep."

Her voice pulls me back into consciousness and I force an eye half open to find her watching me, a serene smile on her face.

"Wow. Way to make me feel like a man, Bella," I complain, only half-joking. She smiles wider.

"You are though. You have the most beautiful face."

I tuck her back in next to me.

"I don't even have the most beautiful face in this room, so stop trying to flatter me," I tell her.

"I could look at you all day."

"Well if I can look back at you, then go right ahead. It's fine by me."

She begins to giggle.

"I'm not sure we should be around anyone else for a while," she says. "I think we're one of those couples that everyone hates because they're so in…"

She stops, I guess because she realized what she was about to say.

"Go on," I encourage.

"Ah, it's nothing." I can feel her embarrassment and discomfort. and I know if I look down, her cheeks will be pink.

"Because we're so in love?" I ask. She groans.

"I'm sorry." Her voice is small.

"Don't be," I say, stroking her hair. "Because I do love you. I have since long before I should have done."

Her voice, when she replies, is no longer small. It's not loud, but it's strong and I can feel the conviction intertwined with the words.

"I love you too."

~RH~


	42. Chapter 42

**42**

Inevitably, the cold light of day follows hard on the heels of our blissed out, love-in. It's Monday, which means we both have work. I'm happy to keep busy to take my mind off things, but it means I need to get up early and go home to shower and change.

I reach out and stroke her hair away from her ear. "I have to go," I whisper.

"Nooooo." She's sleepy and warm and rolls over, wrapping her arms and legs around me. A lazy smile pulls at the sides of my mouth as she pins me down. "Don't go."

"I have to."

"You don't have to, you're the boss."

"I do have to for precisely that reason."

"I'll bet I can persuade you to stay." I feel her fingers travelling down my chest, lower, over my stomach… I catch her hand.

"I'll bet you can too, but I really do have to go."

She groans. "I'm sorry," I tell her. Hold that thought though."

I kiss her, untangle myself from limbs that no longer resist, and climb out of bed.

"For fear of sounding desperate, will I see you tonight?" she asks.

"I should really call in and see Jasper at some point," I tell her. "But I can come round later?"

"Are you staying over? I mean, you don't have to, but you're welcome to."

"Sure." I'm trying to play it cool, when actually I can't stand the thought of spending much time in my empty house right now. I think she probably knows as much anyway.

"Then bring a change of clothes, because I hate you getting up to leave earlier than you have to."

"Is that so?" I ask, crawling back on top of the covers, fully clothed. She giggles as I hover over her.

"Yes," she says, squirming beneath me.

I lean down and kiss her gently on her perfect lips.

"Okay, I will. But only because I hate it too, not because I'm a pushover."

She swats at me and I smile because she's so easy to be with. I hope that never changes.

"You'll remember to call your lawyer?"

"As soon as his office opens," I promise her. She kisses me.

"I love you."

"Sorry? I didn't catch that," I tease. I don't think I'll ever get enough of hearing her say it.

"I said, I love you."

"What?"

"I love you."

I smile widely.

"I love you too." I kiss her again. "I really have to go now."

"Just one more kiss?" she asks

I indulge her. "I'll see you later."

~RH~

I've been at work a couple of hours when my mom calls me.

"How are you holding up, sweetheart?"

"I'm doing okay," I tell her.

"Did you speak with your attorney yet?"

"Yeah, first thing. He said the first step is to try and come to an arrangement with Bree. If that doesn't work we should consider mediation, but taking it to court is still an option if she won't co-operate."

"What about full custody?" she asks.

I repeat everything my lawyer told me. "The court are unlikely to award it. Not without abandonment, abuse or chemical dependence. Two parents are always considered better than one. I'd be happy with joint custody anyway, Lucy needs to know her mom."

"If you need anything at all; advice, money, anything, promise me you'll ask."

"I promise," I tell her.

"Good."

"How are things there?" I ask, keeping the conversation going as I balance the phone on my shoulder and type a brief reply to an email.

"Your dad spoke to Emmett and got to the bottom of everything for once. I swear that boy never used to be so deep."

"He did, he's just better at hiding it all from you now." I think of all the secrets we've shared over the years as I hit _send_ on the email.

"Won't you come over and talk to him? I hate to see the two of you like this."

I lift my coffee mug to my lips and take a sip, screwing up my face when I find it's gone cold.

"I doubt he'll want to see me," I tell her, pushing the mug away across my desk and accidentally knocking a pile of papers for signing, to the floor.

"He's open to it. I spoke to him about Bella; told him a few home truths," she says, her voice filling the room as I put her on speakerphone while I walk round my desk and crouch on the floor to retrieve the spilt forms.

"Is he going to leave her alone now?"

"He told me he is. And I discussed the two of you with him too. I think I convinced him nothing was going on. You owe me for that." Her voice is stern and I nod, even though she can't see me.

"Thank you," I tell her. I sit down and turn speakerphone off as I bring the phone back to my ear.

"I also tried to prepare him for the possibility that the two of you may decide to find comfort in one another over this whole sorry mess."

I stay silent. I'm not sure why I'm so reluctant to admit anything to my mom, she's been nothing less than great, and is virtually telling me she knows exactly what's going on. Maybe it's a respect thing; because what Bella and I are doing is still skirting on the very boundaries of being ethical.

"Edward, he didn't get mad or annoyed at all. I wish you'd come over and talk to him."

"Maybe another time."

"Please don't turn yourself into the enemy over this."

"Mom, I'm already the enemy. Whether he showed it or not, I guarantee that the moment Bella's name comes up, he's going to get pissed."

"Have you seen her?" she asks. If only she knew.

There's a knock on the door and Heidi puts her head round it, signalling for the papers she left with me an hour ago that I still haven't signed. I hold up the fingers of my right hand, indicating five minutes, and Heidi nods and ducks back out.

"Yeah. I have. Look, Mom, I'm pretty busy right now. Can we do this some other time?"

I hear her sigh.

"I'm sorry. I'm only trying to piece my family back together." I can hear the unspoken accusation in her voice. It taps at the guilty cracks in my heart and splits them wide open.

"I'll speak to you later," I say, ending the call.

I put my phone down, consider something and then pick it back up.

**Hey**, I type, and send it to Em's number. It's enough to ease my conscience a little, for now at least. I guess it's going to take a lot more before I can look my mom fully in the eye again, and half of the potential for that lies on Em's shoulders, and whether my mom's assessment of his willingness to move on was right.

~RH~


	43. Chapter 43

**43**

"Yeah, I have a date."

"A date?" I hear the surprise in her voice that doesn't even come close to the surprise in my own mind. I want to tell him that I hope he's chosen better than the last bitch, but I know we're already walking a precarious tightrope.

"Have fun," I say, sitting up straighter so he can see me above the back of the couch.

"I didn't know you were here," he says, guarded.

"I'm not staying long. Just called in on my way home from work."

"Everything okay?" he asks. I have no idea if he means work, me or us.

"Sure," I reply, going for the cover-all answer.

"Cool."

He walks over to Mom, bending and kissing her cheek. "Don't wait up," he tells her with a cheeky wink as he straightens up. I smile. It's a side of him I haven't seen for a while, and it's good to see it back, because it's so essentially Em. I wonder at how lost he became and where he went over the past few months. I can't help thinking how Bella will react if he goes back to his old self. It's easy to let go of someone when they're acting like a stranger, but if she can see glimpses of the man she loved again… I don't know. The thought makes me uneasy.

"Do you know who he's dating?" my mom asks once we hear his truck pulling away from the house.

"No idea, we barely get past asking how each other is," I tell her. My phone rings. Bella. "Hi," I greet her.

"Hey. I was just wondering when you'd be here, I'm trying to work out timings for dinner."

"I'm at my mom's, a half hour maybe?" I tell her.

"Okay. How's it going? Is Em there?"

"He just left."

"Did it go ok?"

"Uh-huh."

Although my mom was busying herself, I knew she was listening.

"Okay, well I'll see you soon. I love you."

"I love you too," I reply, my eyes on my mom, waiting for her reaction. Her head shoots up as I end the call. I'm ready to own this.

"Really?" she asks.

"Yeah, really."

"You're that serious about one another?"

"Mom, you said yourself you saw it months ago. This isn't something that happened overnight."

"I guess not. The fallout scares me though. For both you _and_ your brother."

"As long as I have Bella I'll be fine," I tell her. "I can't vouch for Em though. Maybe this new girl's something special?"

"She can't be any worse that Charlotte," my mom says.

"I'm leaving town if she is," I promise. My mom looks up at me and smiles.

"Any word from Bree?"

"Nothing. I'll give her until Monday, then I'm instructing the attorney to file a petition for joint custody."

"What's gotten into that girl?" she says.

"I have no idea," I tell her, stretching my legs as I prepare to stand. "I don't appreciate being completely cut out of my daughter's life though. It's not fair."

"Are you still writing everything down?" she asks.

"Yep, and copying every text and email. She's ignored every one. I might try speaking with Victoria. I just want to know Lucy's okay."

She walks over and hugs me as I stand.

"I'm sorry, honey."

"Me too."

~RH~

Sunday comes around and still I've heard nothing from Bree. I'm pissed as hell and intend to call my lawyer as soon as his office opens in the morning, but in the meantime something's nagging away at me, and I can't shake it. Bella's taking a shower and I'm still in her bed when I decide to call Victoria to see if she's heard anything from her sister.

"Hi, Edward." She sounds a little surprised; a little unsure.

"Have you heard from Bree?" I ask. "She's not been in touch since she left with Lucy and I can't get her to answer my calls."

"No. I mean, not since the day after she left or something. I tried calling since but she never picks up."

"What about your mom? Have you spoken with her?"

"Sure, but she's out of town. She's due back Wednesday. You think something happened?"

"I have no idea, but I'm not happy, Vic. I'm going to drive over there and see what's going on."

"I should come with you," she says, taking me aback a little. "I mean, if she decides she's not letting you in through the gates then you've had a wasted trip. If I'm with you I can just let you right inside."

I'm grateful to her, probably more than I could ever show.

"You're sure?" I ask, as Bella wanders out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her body as she brushes her wet hair.

"Yeah, absolutely. When are you thinking of heading out?"

"What is it now? Nine thirty or something?" I ask.

"Nine thirty-five," she confirms.

"Ok, well how does ten thirty sound?"

"Yeah, that sounds fine. I'll see you then."

"You're going out?" Bella asks me, climbing onto the bed and straddling me, the duvet firmly pinned between our bodies.

"Yeah. I'm going to take a drive to Seattle to see Lucy. I'm getting kind of worried."

She takes my hand in hers and squeezes it.

"Okay," she says. "Who were you talking to?"

"Victoria. She's going to come with me in case I can't get in."

"In case she won't let you in, you mean."

"I have an hour," I tell her, pulling at the towel where she has it tucked in on itself, and letting it fall away from her body. She leans forward to kiss me.

"When did you ever need an hour?" she asks, teasing.

~RH~


	44. Chapter 44

**Hi! Thanks as ever for all the lovely reviews! I'm doing NaNoWriMo at the moment so I'm an even bigger reply fail than usual due to a severe lack of hours in the day, but please know I read and appreciate every one.**

**A lot of you have theories on what's going on with these characters at the moment, let's see if we find anything new out ;)**

**44**

I pick Victoria up as arranged, and we leave for the city. I've always gotten on well with her, and in the days before Bree got pregnant with Lucy, we'd spend a lot of time together - Bree and I, and Victoria and her fiance, James.

We chat easily on the way over, but the conversation gradually creeps toward a topic we're both less comfortable with; Bree, and how she's changed.

"I really don't know how you put up with her for so long," Victoria tells me. "I know I'm her sister and I should be standing up for her, but, man, she changed so much. It was like the world suddenly owed her a living, or something."

I laugh a little, mainly out of relief I think, that I wasn't the only one to have seen it.

"I don't think she liked how nothing was about her any more," I confess. "As soon as her belly began to grow, all people wanted to talk about was the baby. It really pissed her off."

"Yeah, that sounds right," Victoria agreed. "She'd be mourning the loss of The Bree Show."

Bree was always the most vibrant person in the room. It was what had made me notice her in the first place, and what kept me coming back for more. I kind of grieved the loss of that too, because her happy vibrance was gradually replaced with a sour bitterness, that spread out and tainted all the relationships in her life.

We drove for three and a half hours until we finally reached Mercer Island. If I was glad to have Victoria for company on the drive over, she's worth her weight in gold as she lets us through into the gated community, and again into the grounds of their house.

I see Bree's car on the driveway and breathe a sigh of relief that she was here all along.

We don't bother knocking as Victoria produces a key and lets us in. I've never liked this place, it's ostentatiousness makes me nervous and I'm forever terrified that I'll knock something priceless over and break it. There's nothing homely about it in any way.

"Hello? It's me," Victoria calls out as she strides through the high-ceilinged rooms. There's no reply and no signs of anyone. As we circle back into the hallway, we hear Lucy beginning to cry. Victoria looks at me and then turns to the stairs, with me on her heels. I've been pretty calm on the drive over, but I can feel tension beginning to smoulder, threatening to burst into flames of anger at the way Bree's cut me off and not been in touch.

We follow the sound of the cries, and when we eventually reach the room that's been converted into a sickeningly flamboyant pink nursery, we stop short.

"Who are you?" Victoria asks. The girl holding Lucy is no older than twenty, black hair pulled back into a pony-tail. She's short, maybe only around five feet two, and is dressed in jeans and a sweater.

She stutters for a moment, then asks the same question of us with a thick Spanish accent.

"I'm Lucy's aunt and this is her dad," Victoria explains cautiously. "Where's Bree?"

The girl frowns as she looks at me and I feel the muscles in my temple bunching as I clench my jaw repeatedly.

"Mrs Cullen say she go away with her husband. She back two days." She shifts Lucy in her arms so she can hold two fingers up to illustrate.

I look at Victoria.

"She's calling herself Mrs Cullen?" I ask. Victoria shrugs.

"When did she go?" she asks the girl, who stops and considers.

"Tuesday. She's gone for one week."

"You know where?" I ask. She shakes her head. "Did she give you a contact number?"

"She says any problem, call her mother. She write number down. I have it." She moves to hurry from the room, but I stop her.

"It's okay, it doesn't matter.

"You are Lucy's father?" she asks me.

"Yes."

"But you are not her husband." It's a statement, not a question. The situation obviously has her confused. I'm feeling a little that way myself.

"Did you see her…" I hesitate for a moment. "Husband?" I asked. The girl nods her head.

"Around fifty years old. Grey hair, but handsome. That's him, yes?"

"Jesus Christ," Victoria murmurs.

"You know what's going on?" I ask her.

"I have an idea."

"You want to share?"

"Later. What's your name?" she asks.

"Maria."

"Okay, well, Maria, I want to thank you for taking care of Lucy. We'll take over from here, you can go."

"I don't know…" She backs away a little, still cradling Lucy.

"Please," I say, tugging on my hair in frustration.

"Hang on, I have an idea." Victoria leaves the room, as Maria hovers nervously on the other side, shushing Lucy as she begins to whine again. She's watching me closely, and I can't help admire her nerve, because I get the feeling she's terrified.

Victoria returns quickly, framed family photos clutched in her hands. She holds them out, showing Maria a photograph of me with Bree, smiling brightly at the camera hands on her swollen belly. There's another of Bree and Victoria with their mom and dad.

"See?" Victoria asks. "That's us."

Maria nods and when Victoria holds her arms out, she warily passes her over to her. She stays, hovering until Victoria tells her again that she can leave.

"Mrs Cullen says she will pay me when she gets back."

"How much?" Victoria asks, passing Lucy to me. Maria tells her and Victoria leaves the room to get the money.

"Hey, baby girl, it's Daddy," I tell Lucy, delight inflating my heart as she grins at me and babbles. "Did you miss me? I missed you. So much." I kiss her and she squeals, pushing her hands into my face. I laugh.

When I look up I find I'm alone; Maria has left. I hear voices and eventually Victoria comes back in.

"She's just getting her things together."

"What the hell's going on, Vic?" I ask. Victoria shakes her head.

"Let's just get Lucy's stuff and get out of here."

~RH~


	45. Chapter 45

**45**

"When I was sixteen and Bree was eighteen, my dad got this new business associate, Marcus," Victoria explains on the drive home. "He had a wife, Di, and a couple of kids a few years younger than us. He and Di got on really well with Mom and Dad and they started to spend a lot of time together socially. Bree and I usually got forced to go along to these things because Dad thought it looked good for business to show a united front as a family. Anyhow, a few months later, Marcus offered Bree a job as a intern at his office."

"She only had one intern job, right?" I ask. I know about this job, I remember her mentioning it. Victoria laughs a little nervously.

"Oh yeah, just the one!" she says. "Everything was great, up until the day Di turned up to surprise Marcus and caught him screwing Bree in his office. All hell broke loose. Di left Marcus, my dad cut all business ties with him. It was a fucking mess. My mom and dad argued about it non-stop for about a month. I'm sure that was the final straw for their marriage too. My mom walked out about two months after."

She turns to check on Lucy, who's sleeping soundly in her car seat on the back seat.

"Anyway, Marcus promoted one of his guys to manage the business here and moved away under the pretense of opening another branch in New York, he never came to Seattle again, or if he did, he stayed well away from us. I didn't even know Bree had been in touch with him since he left, but I did catch a piece on the business pages the other day that said he was back at the helm in Seattle. I'd bet a million dollars that's who she's with, it's too much of a coincidence. She obsessed over him for a time after he moved away, and I suspected she might even have visited him for a few times, but she'd never admit it to me."

"How could I not know any of this?" I asked her. We'd discussed exes and our pasts during our relationship. I have no idea how this all passed me by unnoticed.

"It's just never been brought up. Bree mentioned Marcus once after all that and my mom slapped her around the face. I never heard his name again."

"We'll wait until we get back to Forks," I tell Victoria. "I'll get the locks changed on the house, then we'll wait and see how long it takes her to get in touch. When she does I'll ask her outright."

Victoria nods in the seat beside me.

"I still don't get the Mrs Cullen thing," I tell her.

"She wanted to make herself look respectable for Maria," she says. "She couldn't use Marcus' name because my mom would flip. She probably used your name because it was the first one that came to her."

We drive in silence for a while, my stomach in knots over the whole situation, until Victoria speaks again.

"What are you gonna do?" she asks.

"I'm just going to take my daughter home and give her the best of everything," I tell her.

"Bree?"

"We'll see what she has to say when she gets in touch," I say. "Do you think she'd been seeing him for a while? Marcus?"

"I really have no idea. Sorry," she says. "Do you think she was seeing someone?"

"I never thought she was, but then I never thought she'd do this either. Maybe she was. She created enough opportunities for herself away from Lucy and me."

"I don't understand that girl. Never have." She smiled sadly. "I doubt I ever will now."

"I'm seeing Bella," I blurt out, looking at her from the corner of my eye. I never intended to tell her, but after the amount of other stuff we've shared today, and the way things had turned out, there doesn't seem a whole lot of point keeping it secret now anyway. "I wasn't before; not until Bree left. I guess you could say her accusations pushed us together."

It's a sketchy version of the truth, but I'm still feeling a little defensive and wary. I decide it's better than the whole truth. She doesn't need to know about the emotional and almost betrayals we've been guilty of.

"I hope it works out for you guys," she tells me. "I always liked Bella. Your brother did a real number on her, huh?"

"He's been a douche. We're working things out...although he doesn't know about Bella and me yet. I'm not sure that's going to help heal the rift too much."

We're peaceful again, and then, "Edward?" she says

"Hmm?"

"I'd love it if you'd let me still see Lucy."

I'm a little shocked.

"You think I'd try and keep her from you?" I ask. She shrugs.

"I don't know. I didn't know if...you know, with me being Bree's sister…"

"Victoria, I'll be pissed if you're _not _a part of her life. Especially after today. Thank you."

She shoots me a small smile.

"You're welcome," she says.

~RH~


	46. Chapter 46

**A/N Hi! When I was writing this next update, it split, so I decided to post over two consecutive days, rather than waiting two days to post as one. I know the short chapters frustrate some of you, but you'll still get the scheduled update tomorrow if you'd rather wait and read both together :)**

**Thanks again for all the lovely reviews, and apologies for lack of replies - doing NaNo is kicking my ass! Anyone got a time machine? :P**

**xxx**

**46**

I drop Victoria off on the way home, and as I walk into my house with Lucy and close the door behind us, the sense of a new beginning settles on me. I feel overwhelmed, and it's neither good nor bad, just kind of too much to process. It's a strange feeling and reminds me of the day we brought Lucy home as a newborn.

Only today it's just me and her.

A thought zips through my mind; an acceptance that I guess this is how it's going to be, but then it's followed quickly by another. This one has kind brown eyes and a good heart, and I know that if I can make it through these next few weeks, everything will be okay.

I make a mental checklist of how I'm going to do this. The first item gets crossed off quickly as I call the emergency locksmith out to change all the locks. Maria said Bree was away for another couple of days, but I'm taking no chances, and to hell with the cost.

I call my mom next and ask her to come over. I tell her as little as possible; that I went to Seattle and I've brought Lucy home with me. She seems to assume it's part of a joint custody agreement with Bree. I can't face telling her the truth over the phone, I'll wait until she arrives to give her the full story.

I save Bella for last.

"I thought I'd hear from you sooner. I've been worried," she says when she picks up.

"I'm sorry," I tell her.

"How did it go?" she asks, as Lucy squeals loudly on the floor beside me. "Are you still in Seattle?" Her voice runs with disappointment as she asks the question.

"No," I reply.

She silent as she processes my answer, then, "Oh my God! You brought her home?"

"I couldn't leave her there, Bella. Bree's been away for the best part of a week, Lucy was home alone with a nanny."

"You have to be kidding me."

"I wish I was."

I held out a jangling Elmer elephant and danced it around on the floor, watching as Lucy rolled over to try and reach it.

"Does she know you have her?"

"No, and I'm not going to tell her yet either. She's due back on Tuesday, we'll see what happens then."

"Is this even legal? I mean, I know it was the right thing to do, but being on the wrong side of the law's not going to help if this all goes in front of a judge."

"I have an emergency number for my attorney. My mom's on her way over so I'll call him when she gets here to watch Lucy."

Bella grows quiet again and I wonder if I've upset her.

"You know I want nothing more than to have you here, right? It's just-"

"It's okay," she interrupts. "I know, I understand."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah… Yeah, I'm sure."

"I can't wait for this to all be resolved. I want both my girls here with me," I tell her, already picturing it in my head as I reach down and stroke Lucy's soft hair.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," I say.

"That sounds nice," she agrees

"It sounds perfect," I tell her.

~RH~


	47. Chapter 47

**47**

The locksmith arrives just before my mom, and I'm talking to him at the front door as she pulls up.

"Hey, baby!" she says to Lucy, scooping her out of my arms. "How's my favorite granddaughter? Grandma missed you! Yes I did!" She wanders inside and the lock guy raises his eyebrows at me.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," I say as I turn and follow my mom inside.

Mom's shrugging off her coat, switching Lucy between arms as she does so.

"You can put her down, she won't run away," I tell her with a grin, as I take her coat out to hang it up.

"No way!" she calls after me. "We're making up for missed time, aren't we, Sweetie?" She sits down and talks to Lucy for a moment or two, before turning back to me. "How long do you have her for?" She already looks fearful of letting her go.

"I'm not sure," I tell her, truthfully.

"You didn't arrange anything with Bree?"

"I haven't seen Bree."

She frowns at me and I can tell she's losing patience. "I'd been trying to get hold of her and hadn't been able to," I explain. "Victoria and I took a ride over to her mom's place today. We got there and the only people home were Lucy, and the nanny that Bree had hired to take care of her. Bree's on vacation with some guy. Victoria thinks it's somebody she had a relationship with years ago; her old boss. According to the nanny, she's due back on Tuesday, but I wasn't waiting around until then. We sent the nanny home, packed Lucy's things and left."

My mom's mouth is hanging open as I fill her in on all the details, and when she finally tries to speak, she sputters a little over her words.

"I… I… I'm sorry,what?" She shakes her head, clearly confused. "She actually went away and left your daughter with a nanny?"

"Yeah."

"She didn't even think of asking you? If she was that desperate for a vacation… Dear God, that girl!"

My mom is speechless and appalled. I can see on her face all the different thoughts and emotions vying for a place at the forefront. "What did her mother have to say about it?"

"Her mom's away too, I don't think she knows. It was her number Bree had given the nanny to call if there was a problem, though."

"I just don't understand what she's thinking. I mean, why would she… Is she having a breakdown? Is she sick? I just…" She trails off, shaking her head.

"I can't answer any of your questions, Mom," I tell her. "This is what's happening now though." I gesture in the general direction of the front door. "I have this guy here changing the locks in case Bree turns up. If you'll mind Lucy for me now, I want to give my attorney a call and make sure I'm acting within the law and see if there's anything I should be doing. Victoria has contact details for the nanny, so we can always get a statement from her if we need to. I'm not planning on contacting Bree, I'm going to wait until she gets in touch with me. Let her get home on Tuesday and find Lucy gone."

My mom stands up as Lucy begins to whinge, rocking her.

"Is she due a feed?" she asks. I glance at the clock.

"Yeah," I say, rubbing the back of my neck to try and ease the aching muscles from the tension and the day's driving. "I'll get it."

"You'll need some help this week," she says to me as I move to leave the room.

I nod my head thoughtfully. "I can take some time off but I should really go into the office tomorrow morning, to organize everything first," I say. "Lucy can come with me."

"I'll take the day off tomorrow," she tells me. "I don't have anything I can't reschedule."

"Are you sure? This is my problem, I can work it out…"

She looks at me and I know it's not even up for discussion. I turn back and give her a gentle hug, kissing both her and Lucy.

"Thank you," I tell her, as she places her hand on my cheek.

"You don't need to do this alone. We're all here to help you," she tells me. "Don't ever be afraid to ask."

I smile at her, gratefully.

"I won't," I reassure her.

~RH~


	48. Chapter 48

**48**

I don't sleep well on Monday night, anxious about what Tuesday will bring. As I finally drift off to sleep at four o'clock after lying awake for two and a half hours, Lucy stirs and drags me cruelly back into consciousness. My body fights the pull to the surface, and when I finally force my eyes open, I've lost all perception of exactly how long she's been crying. By the time I've fed her and settled her again, another couple of hours have passed and it's light outside. I climb back into bed and virtually pass out.

I'm woken by my phone ringing at eight fifteen. As soon as my brain catches up, my heart begins to thump powerfully, sending adrenaline flying through my veins. The display tells me it's Bree, but I'd already guessed as much.

"Hello," I say, trying to keep my voice low and calm as I sit up in bed.

"Where the hell's my baby?" she demands. My laughter is spontaneous, and if I'd known that was how I was going to react, I'd have tried to suppress it. In the event, it bursts freely from my mouth. "You son of a bitch, you kidnapped her!" she accuses.

"I didn't kidnap her," I tell her, patient in my righteousness. "We have no legal custody arrangement in place." My attorney had confirmed as much to me. "And don't you dare try to claim the moral high ground; I don't even know where to start on all the ways you've let Lucy down." My self-control hasn't lasted long. I can feel the hot burn of anger beginning to grow inside me. "You're impossible to deal with," I told her. "I filed a petition for full custody yesterday. Your copy of the papers will be served soon."

"Full custody?" she asks.

"You're not interested in looking after her and I can't be sure she's safe when she's with you. I'm not doing it to spite _you_, I'm doing it with Lucy's best interests at heart."

"You didn't have her best interests at heart when you started an affair with your brother's ex, did you?" she throws in.

"I wasn't having an affair," I growl. "And where have you been for the past week anyway? According to the nanny, you've been away with your husband. You want to explain that one?"

"I don't need to explain anything to you," she says, indignantly.

"Victoria has an interesting theory," I tell her. "She thinks this guy is someone you know from years back. Someone you worked for. She wondered if you'd been in touch the whole time and she kind of got me wondering the same thing."

"Victoria?" I hear the venom in her voice as she learns of what I know she'll regard as her sister's betrayal. I haven't landed V in it, we discussed it at length and she's happy for Bree to know she was involved. Lucy's our priority here. She has to be someone's.

"Yeah. She had a lot of things to tell me that I'd never heard before, which considering how many years we were together, Bree, kind of surprised me."

"Well if I didn't tell you, clearly those things were none of your goddamn business," she says. I sigh.

"The state of our relationship doesn't interest me any more," I inform her. I don't tell her that maybe it hasn't for a long time, thanks to the way she kept pushing me away. I tried to fight for a while, but faced with so much endless adversity, what man will keep on pushing when he knows it's hopeless? Especially when fate eventually sends something infinitely brighter and sweeter to turn his head.

"Lucy's staying here with me until the judge rules on it," I tell her. "If you want to visit her then you can, but you call and arrange it with me ahead of time, and you only see her when I'm present. Understand?"

Bree's voice is low; dangerous. "I'm her mother," she says, menace dripping like venom from the words. "You can't keep her from me."

"It would never have come to this if you'd acted like her mother all along," I say. "And I don't want to keep her from you. I just told you that you could see her. You need to start listening carefully to the things people say, Bree."

"Stop talking to me like a child!" she screams. I blanch, pulling the phone away from my ear to save it from the shrill, piercing pain her voice causes deep within my head.

"Then stop behaving like one," I say, my teeth gritted against the frustration that having to deal with her causes me. How the hell did I put up with her for so long, I wonder?

"You fucking self-righteous bastard!" she yells.

"If you speak to me like that again, I'm ending the call," I warn her.

"Go right ahead, you mother-fucking-"

I do it, dropping my phone on the bed and sliding back down beneath the covers.

"That went well," I say aloud to the ceiling as I scrub my hands up and down my face a couple of times, half expecting her to call back. As the realization settles that she's not going to, my heart rate gradually slows and returns to normal.

My thoughts wander as I lie there, turning naturally to Bella, as they usually do when left unbridled. It's been two days since I saw her. It was so much easier to be apart before, when I didn't know what I was missing.

I pick my phone up and see a message from her that had arrived while I was sleeping. It's something and nothing, an _I miss you _kind of thing. I think about asking my mom to watch Lucy for an hour this evening so I can shoot over there and say hi; get a fix. The thought doesn't last long; I don't want to be away from the baby now that Bree just found out what's going on. I don't trust her for a second.

~RH~


	49. Chapter 49

**49**

"Hi!" My mom greets us with a hug and a kiss as she opens the door to let us in. It's been over a week since I spoke to Bree, and despite me fearing the worst, she's not been in touch at all. The court papers have been served, but according to Victoria, she hasn't even asked her mom for advice, let alone representation. As much as this should please me, my heart breaks for Lucy. Nobody should have to grow up knowing that their mother didn't want them. I know that no matter how hard we try to compensate for that, it's still going to hurt when she's old enough to know.

My mom takes Lucy from me, as I set the bag down on the floor.

"Your dad's just changing, he won't be long," she says.

"Okay."

We've been invited for dinner, which, incidentally smells delicious, and then Lucy's staying over while I go to see Bella. It'll be the first time since I got Lucy back that I've seen her and each day has been harder to bear. Mom's been great with Lucy, and it was she that insisted I take some time for myself. I didn't have to give any thought as to how I would spend it.

"Your brother called just before you arrived," my mom says from the living room. I go through to where she sits on the couch, taking Lucy's coat off. "He wants to bring his new girlfriend to dinner."

I'm not sure how she feels about this; she's giving nothing away.

"Have you met her?" I ask, taking the coat from her.

"No, not yet."

"Do you know anything about her?"

"I know her name's Rosalie, that's just about all," she says as she lifts Lucy toward her for a cuddle.

"I'm kind of scared after Charlotte," I tell her. She laughs.

"Me too, but I think this one might be better. He seems more settled than I've seen him in a long time."

I hear my dad on his way down the stairs, as Em's key turns in the front door. We listen as my brother introduces my dad to Rosalie, and then they all come into the living room. I stand and turn to face them. It takes me a moment to place her, but then I recognize her as the tall blonde who stepped between us at the bar, the night Charlotte took the photo of Bella and me.

Em introduces us all, and I can tell by the look on Rosalie's face that she remembers me too. I don't mention it though, and neither does she. I didn't get too good a look at her last time we met, I kind of had other things on my mind, but I can see now, in my parents' living room, that she could be a model. Her face is verging on intimidating, she's so beautiful, and she has an incredible figure. Even my dad looks twice when Em and my mom have their backs to him. I try to hide my smile when I notice.

Despite her beauty, blondes have never been my thing. Em doesn't have a type, never has had, and something about her has him enchanted; it's clear to see on his face and in the way he acts. Strangely enough, she seems to be equally as enamoured with him.

We're doing the whole small-talk thing: no, she doesn't live in town, just outside but not too far. No, she doesn't live with her parents, she has her own place. She met Em in the bar she manages.

Rosalie asks polite questions of us, too, and when my mom excuses herself to check on dinner, she offers to take Lucy from her. She's clearly had experience with babies, and when I comment, she tells me how her mom re-married when she was fifteen, and she helped raise her half-brothers. The pride in her face when she talks about them is mirrored by that in Em's as he watches her with his niece.

I offer to clear away after dinner, and Em insists on helping, while everyone else goes through to the living room.

"Well? What d'ya think?" he asks, beaming. I smile right back at him, unable to stop it.

"She's nice," I tell him. "You guys seem like a great match."

"Thanks."

We're both silent for a while as we work, then Em speaks again. "I know about you and Bella," he says. I pause; falter, then carry right on.

"I told you, there was nothing going on," I snap, defensively.

His voice remains calm, and I see what my mom means about him being more settled.

"Not then. I mean now."

"Now?" I ask, because I'm at a loss for what to say as I keep busy with my head down, face turned away from him. He catches hold of my arm as I pass him.

"Edward, it's okay. I don't have a problem with it," he insists. "Really, I've moved on."

The short time scale would have me doubting it, if I hadn't seen exactly how he and Rose were when they were together. I sigh and turn to face him.

"I'm sorry," I say, because I feel as though I should be and say as much.

"Don't be. I hope you can both be happy," he says, and I smile, because his blessing makes everything so much easier.

~RH~


	50. Chapter 50

**A/N - Hi! Last chapter the review count for this story hit, and passed, 2000! It's the first time in five years of writing fic that I've ever hit that milestone, so thank you so much to everyone who has ever left a review and/or recc'd it! You're all my favourite people! :D xxx**

**50**

"How did he even find out about us?" Bella asks me as we sit curled up on the couch.

"He'd bumped into one of your neighbours," I tell her. "The guy had seen me here a few times and mentioned it to Em."

She rolls her eyes as I smooth her hair back from her face.

"I'll bet it was Austin Marks, he knows everything that's going on," she says. "And Em was really okay with it?"

"Yeah. I mean, he seemed to be. It was pretty weird, I was expecting all hell to let loose when he found out."

Bella sits up and looks at me.

"Wow, this girl must really be something."

"He obviously thinks so. He said they've done a lot of talking, and she's helped him work through things. I think she just made him see everything from a different angle. He did say he's not sure how he'd feel seeing us together yet."

Despite everything he'd done, I'd still felt a little bad for him in that moment. The look on his face was the same one he'd get when we were little if he was scared about something.

"I get that," Bella says. "And if he wasn't family, I'd be saying that's too bad because it's his own fault, but he's still your brother."

"Yeah," I agree. "He is. And if we wasn't such an idiot, we wouldn't be together now."

"True," she concedes with a smile. "I guess you were kind of worth all the shittiness."

"You guess?" I tease, leaning over and tickling her until she's wriggled her way underneath me.

"Okay, okay, you definitely were!" she squeals.

"That's better," I say, rewarding her with a kiss that makes her moan. When I move away, she hooks her hands around my neck and pulls me back down. "God, I've missed you," I tell her.

"I've missed you too," she tells me breathlessly.

~RH~

Another week passes before Bree finally gets in touch to ask to see Lucy. I bite back everything I want to say; all the _what took you so long's _and the _nice of you to call's._

I'm polite, and maybe a little off-hand, but I think given the circumstances I do pretty well. She doesn't sound like herself, instead her voice is small and her tone soft. I wonder what's going on, if she's been having second thoughts or if it's part of a game-plan.

She comes by the next day, pulling up outside my house in a brand new Mercedes-Benz coupe that I've never seen before.

"Nice. Present from your mom?" I ask as I let her in.

"Uh, no," she replies, looking away.

"Ah. Your sugar daddy, then," I say.

"Edward, don't."

I shrug and gesture for her to go on ahead. "Lucy's in the living room."

She goes through and lifts Lucy from her chair, kissing her on the cheek and commenting on how she's grown. I bite my tongue so hard I almost draw blood as she turns to face me.

"I'm… not going to be contesting your custody application," she tells me. She's emotional, surprisingly, her eyes filling with tears. "Marcus… my boyfriend-"

I almost snort at her use of the term for a man old enough to be her father.

"He doesn't want any more kids. I mean, he's passionate about it. It's a dealbreaker. I… I really love him."

"More than you love your daughter," I say. It's not a question, because as far as I'm concerned, that's what I heard her say.

"No, of course not. It's just… it's complicated."

"No. It's not." I'm speaking through gritted teeth, angry for Lucy, because she's not old enough to show contempt for this woman and her choices, herself. "You have a beautiful daughter who you've cast aside for a fling with a man old enough to be your father."

"It isn't a fling. I've known him for a long time."

"So I heard. And how long have you been seeing him for, exactly? Is that where you used to go out to? To see him?"

"No," she says.

"Really?"

"Really." Bree buries her face in Lucy's neck and turns away from me.

I have no idea if she's lying or not, but if she is, I can tell she has no intention of coming clean. And really, what difference will it make now anyway? I don't push her on it.

"Will you let me see her sometimes?" she asks, turning back to me with tears running down her cheeks. My stomach twists at the sight, and I think a lot of the reason is because I wasn't emotionally prepared for this. When she was being a bitch, it was a lot easier to hate her.

"I don't know," I say. I'm in a kind of turmoil right now and it's not the kind of decision I'm prepared to make just like that. "I'll need to think over the implications for her. I don't want you dropping in and out of her life when it suits you, raising her hopes and giving her expectations, then crushing them. I won't let you do that."

She nods. It's like she has no fight left in her, and that makes me sad, because Lucy deserves that at least.

"I know I've been a shitty mother and an even worse fiancee," she says. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

"I don't want to hear it," I tell her, turning away because I can barely stand to look at her.

Everything is silent for a while, and then she speaks again.

"I guess I'll be going," she announces. "Bye bye, Lucy," she whispers. "Mommy loves you very much. I'm sorry, baby."

I turn and walk over to her, taking Lucy from her as a tear falls from her face, onto my bare arm. I brush it off, refusing to even look at her.

"I'll have the rest of your stuff packed up and sent to your mom's. You can let yourself out," I tell her as I turn away.

"Bye, Edward," she says. I don't breathe again until I hear the front door close behind her.

~RH~


	51. Chapter 51

**51**

"I have a proposition for you," I say to Em. We're watching the game on TV, Lucy snuggled on my knee, and Rosalie on his. She's become kind of a fixture and I have to agree with my mom; she seems good for him. I guess you'd say that if soul mates really do exist, then he'd do well to find anyone closer to being his.

He looks over at me, interest piqued.

"Go on," he says.

"How would you feel about coming to work for me? I need to cut my hours while Lucy's little, and I need someone I can trust to run things when I'm not around."

He sits up and Rosalie almost topples off his lap onto the floor. It's only her fast reflexes that save her as she reaches out and grabs onto his shirt, steadying herself until she can get a foot onto the floor.

"Thanks!" she huffs.

"Sorry, babe." He moves back, opening his arms so she can wriggle back onto him again. "You really think I can do it?" he asks.

"I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't think you could, would I?"

"I guess not," he says. "How soon do you want me?"

"How soon can you start? Mom's been great, but I know she's moving stuff around for me and I feel bad.

"You know," Rosalie says, leaning toward me. "If you ever need a hand during the day, I can usually make myself available."

"Yeah, she's very accommodating," Em leers, earning a smack on the arm that makes him wince. "Hey!" he says, affronted.

"You deserved that," she tells him, with a glare.

"You did," I agree, smirking as he sulks. "Thanks Rosalie, I'll bear it in mind. I'm trying not to pass Lucy around too much though, she needs consistency, or else she might as well have stayed with her mother."

"Hey, the offer's there if you're ever in need," she says, leaning back against Em's shoulder and turning her attention back to the game.

"I appreciate it. Thanks."

"I'll have to check but I think I'm only contracted to a week's notice," Em tells me. "The boss has a lot of run-ins with the guys. He likes to be able to get rid of us pretty quick if he decides he doesn't like our faces."

"How could he not like that face?" Rosalie teases in a baby voice as she places her hands each side of his face and squashes it a little. I laugh, expecting him to swat her away, but instead he puckers up and she plants an exaggerated kiss on his lips.

"I'm trying to work out if you ever actually said yes to my offer," I say, still amused.

Em gently pulls Rosalie's hands from his face.

"Of course it's a yes. Thanks...for asking me. I know things haven't been great between us lately, and I also know that's my own fault. So... yeah. Thanks."

"You're welcome," I tell him softly, with a smile.

~RH~

"Hey, you. I've brought lunch. My treat." Bella closes the office door and walks over to my desk, dropping the paper bag she was carrying down onto it. I stand and walk around to her, wrapping my arms around her waist as she slides hers around my neck and stretches up for a kiss. It's chaste for all of a second before we've both succumbed to the hunger caused by lack of quality time together. Voices outside the door cause us to stop, although we don't let go of one another straight away.

"How long until the hearing?" Bella asks with more than a hint of desperation in her voice as I rest my forehead against hers. She knows exactly how long it is, it's like the insistent blip on the radar of our lives at the moment.

"Eight days," I reply, regardless. We're keeping everything discreet until after the hearing. Neither of us trusts Bree to not be working on something in secret. We half expect her to think that declaring herself out has relaxed us enough to let our guard down, and then she'll sweep into the courtroom with some ridiculous story or other that will jeopardize everything. Well we refuse to give her the satisfaction. This is us now; stolen moments and occasional nights together if my mom can look after Lucy. The thought of being able to stand up and admit to the world that Bella and I are a couple after we've held everything so tightly together, makes me giddy.

There's a knock on the door at the same time it opens. Although we jump apart, we don't have time to put any significant distance between us before Em walks in. He stops short and his face falls as he notices us.

"Oh. Sorry, I didn't know…"

"It's fine," Bella tells him, her voice calm and steady and showing no signs that she's shaken by the situation at all. Which is good, because I feel like a sponge that has soaked up every ounce of awkwardness in the atmosphere and is experiencing each excruciating drop of it. "How are you?" she asks him. He leaves the door open, and I notice he doesn't venture further into the room. I lean back against my desk as I try to pull myself together.

"Good, thanks," he tells her. I notice he doesn't ask back and I can't help think that if our mother were here, she'd be scolding him for his bad manners. "I was just reporting in after this morning's job," he says, turning to me. I've got him on a rotation, spending time on all the different things we do. I'm a strong believer in managers who've done the job; who know what it entails. Aside from the understanding of what the business involves, it helps if the guys on the ground know they have a boss who's not afraid to get his hands dirty. It builds respect. "I'll come back later," he says. I'm about to agree, when Bella insists that she was leaving anyway. My heart sinks.

"I'll see you soon," she says with a wave.

"Sure."

I watch as Em steps aside to let her past and then watches her go.

"Well that was...unexpected," he admits.

"Yeah. I didn't know-"

"I'm okay though." He looks at me from the corner of his eye and nods a little to emphasize the lie.

"Good," I say. "That's good."

~RH~


	52. Chapter 52

**52**

"That's it," I tell Bella when she answers the phone. I'm grinning widely as I walk away from the courthouse and toward my car.

"That's it? We're done?"

"We're done."

"She didn't show?"

"Not only did she not show, but she'd put a recommendation in writing that I should get the custody."

"She did what?" Bella exclaims.

"I know. My attorney thinks she wanted to make sure it got resolved quickly." I turn my smile on a passerby, earning me a strange look. I don't even care.

"Ah, for a minute there I thought maybe she'd developed a conscience."

I laugh.

"I think that's unlikely," I say as I check the time. "I'm heading home now, can you come over?"

"I can probably manage an hour or so if I take my lunch early," she tells me. "Let me know when you get there."

"I will. I love you."

"I love you too."

~RH~

My mom pulls the door open before I even reach it.

"Well?" she calls out. She sees the smile spread across my face, and lets a cautious one of her own grow too. "Yes?" she asks. I nod my head and she brings her hands together as if in prayer, before raising them to her lips and closing her eyes for a moment. I reach her and place my hands on her arms, breaking her from her moment.

"I'm so pleased for you," she says, emotion swaddling her words as she hugs me tightly.

"Thank you. For everything," I tell her.

"You're so very welcome, honey."

We pull apart and I finally close the front door behind us, taking my phone from my pocket and texting Bella to let her know I'm home.

It takes ten minutes for her to arrive, and another five before my mom comes to find out why it's taking me so long to answer the front door. I'd be embarrassed if I wasn't so damn happy about finally getting my two favorite girls under the same roof without having to worry about anything.

"How's the packing going?" Bella asks as she follows me out of the hall and into the living room.

"Okay I guess," I tell her. "I can't wait to get out of this place now and get a completely fresh start."

"I'll bet," she says, taking my hand and squeezing it. It's been hard to get excited about moving into a new place with the custody hearing hanging over me, but now it's out of the way and I know exactly how things are going to be, it's proving hard to not be _too_ excited about it all. We chose the new house together, and the long-term plan is for it to be a family home for the three of us - maybe more eventually, who knows?

I stop short, tugging her back by her hand. She turns, a smile on her face as she looks at me with questioning eyes.

"What's up?" she asks.

"I know we had this all planned out," I tell her. "The house and the relationship and everything. But I'm kind of sick of waiting. I could have it _all_ here." I take her other hand too, so I'm holding both. "_We_ could have it all." I pause, watching her face carefully. "Move in with us."

She opens her mouth to speak and, fearful of opposition to my proposal, I cut in quickly. "I know we said we'd wait and do the whole dating thing properly first, but I really don't want to. I'm done with fighting to find time together and going home to my own bed. I want you with me and I want you with Lucy. We both need you around. I want to build a family and I don't see any picture of one in my head that doesn't have you in it."

"I...I…" she stutters, shaking her head. I've actually managed to render her speechless.

"A yes or no answer will do," I say with a hopeful smile. "Actually...no won't do." I frown and she smiles at me. "A yes answer will be fine," I amend.

"Okay…well after that speech I don't think I could say no even if I wanted to," she tells me, stepping closer and leaning in for a kiss.

"Is that a yes?" I ask, as our lips almost touch.

"It's a yes," she confirms as I hear Lucy begin to cry.

"And welcome to our new life," I say as I settle for the briefest touch of lips on my own.

"It sounds perfect to me."

I smile and hug her close.

"Yeah, it really does," I agree, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

**~THE END~**

**A/N Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, followed, rec'd and nominated this story. You're all what makes this fandom great :)**

**Special thanks to Chocaholic123 and SparrowNotes24 for their help, support and encouragement as ever *smooches***

**Much love xx**


End file.
